The Uncanny Valley

Good Weather at Last

2010-03-05T19:55:00.001+09:00

The snow has finally stopped! Here’s a quick look at what I don’t miss…

Japanese saying for the day

2010-02-06T10:13:00.001+09:00

“Fix the horns but kill the cow”

This is a cute saying I heard recently. It means that sometimes we get so obsessed with the trivial details (fixing the horns) that we forget about the bigger picture (the damage to the cow). In other words, some things will always be the way they are, so just accept it.

JLPT Test, you’ve been OWNED !

2010-02-02T20:46:00.001+09:00

This news isn’t exactly hot off the press but I’m nonetheless pleased to announce my official entry to the ranks of JLPT 1 holders. I sat the test in July 2008 and got the results in September. It took a few years to learn enough words to pass, and let me tell you that some of those words are utterly useless. Do I really need to know the word for “prerogative of supreme command” or the word for “an uncontrollable desire to urinate”?? Well perhaps the latter may come in handy, but you get the drift. Anyway, I took the carpet bombing approach of learning anything and everything, and I suppose this icy strategy paid off in the end. Where to from here? Well it’s still a long road to complete fluency. But this is a damn good start.

Yakitori Series – part 1

2010-01-08T13:05:00.001+09:00

Ok this going to be a short series on one of Japan’s super-popular foods, yakitori. When most people think of Japanese food, they get an image of sushi or tempura or something. That stuff is definitely representative of “real” Japanese food, ie traditional Japanese. But things like yakitori are also massively popular. Yakitori is typically skewered meats or vegetables, grilled over coals and served with a variety of sauces. The standard sauce is soy and sugar based. Local yakitori places are great for relaxing. It’s really informal, usually with a lively atmosphere, and a whole range of skewered stuff to try. Here’s a clip from a local yakitori place in Himi.

UME-CHAN

2010-01-05T15:54:00.002+09:00

A PEACHED-FACED LOVEBIRD
Behold the latest addition to the family. His name is “Ume” and he is a peach-faced lovebird. Lovebirds are a kind of parakeet and they get their name from the affection they show towards their owners. They’re constantly perching on their shoulders or following them around. They’ll call out if they can’t see you and they’ll even groom you if you treat them well. Here he is.

and here he is in action on his first day in the apartment.

More ume-chan updates to come soon.

Happy New Year !

2010-01-05T15:41:00.001+09:00

After an immensely long withdrawal from posting online, I’d like to announce the grand re-opening of this humble blog. Having been completely inundated with imaginary requests for more Uncanny Valley, how could I refuse? What do I mean? Never mind. Anyway, it’s time to catch up on what’s been happening in Himi in recent times. Let’s start with December.

CHRISTMAS:
A low-key affair, muted but relaxing. Snow fell by the bucket load and I shovelled my fair share of it out of the way. Shoveling snow and drinking heavily are mutually beneficial so I guzzled enough wine to make Santa look attractive. I even squeezed a Christmas dinner out of my tiny oven. On the downside, it feels like Siberia at the moment. And of course the perennial frustration of using those stupid kerosene heaters reared its toxic head. Who the hell invented those heaters? Whoever he is, I bet he lives in a house with central heating (bought with the money earned from selling those stupid kerosene heaters).

NEW YEAR CELEBRATIONS IN JAPAN
The opening of each new year in Japan is a veritable platter of events in comparison to its dull foreign counterpart. Christmas is certainly a non-entity here, but when it comes to New Year’s culture, Japan wins hands down. From the ornate decorations you hang on your door, to the religious events, to the ceremonies, to the annual special TV programs watched by millions, etc etc. I could go on. But let’s not forget about the food. There is a whole slew of special kinds of food reserved only for this time of year. There’s the traditional osechi, old school Japanese cuisine like fish eggs, rice, pickles, and an ancient soup. There’s the heart warming zenzai, a sweet bean soup with rice cakes inside it. And speaking of rice cakes, there are many varieties to choose from. And when you decide upon your sticky prey, the best way to enjoy it is to toast it over a hot grill until it puffs up and gets nice and crispy.There really is plenty to be occupied with. The hardcore fans will get up early to witness the first sunrise and make a wish. And most Japanese will visit a Shinto shrine to mark the New Year (hatsumode). There are also plenty of games that people play, and when school starts every student partakes in an annual calligraphy session. But lest you get the impression that it’s all manic, there’s also plenty of time for relaxation. In fact, I get the impression most Japanese people prefer the lounging around at home aspect to all the rest of it. And why not!

Young Offenders, Old Footage

2010-01-05T15:37:00.002+09:00

Just when you thought that our old friend the Internet was so chock-a-block with trash that you couldn’t possibly squeeze anymore in, along comes a breath of fresh air. At least, that’s how it feels looking back at a young me, from the perspective of an older me. Ah the good old days of music, debauchery and the legend of Pat Kenny, Ireland’s premiere dirty old teabag. It’s easy to forget what the whirlwind of the music business is like, so I like to occasionally check in on stuff like this:

HIATUS

2008-06-06T07:41:00.001+09:00

This blog is temporarily inactive.

April – some fresh air

2008-04-07T21:28:00.000+09:00

The warming breeze of April has unfortunately brought with it an abrupt end to spring break. School term is under way again. Nonetheless, I took advantage of my free time and did lots of reading, lounging around, cooking etc. I had a nice day out in Kanazawa too. I have some new recipe books for Japanese dishes, so I’m learning how to put together a few Japanese classics. As always, kitchen space is a serious limiter in how ambitious I can get. Most kitchens in Japan don’t have ovens. I have no grill, and only 2 gas rings to work with. A tight squeeze indeed.

Birthday Celebrations – the years are just blending into one another at this stage, and my 32^nd year arrived without much ceremony. I did get some very nice presents this year, so thanks to those who sent them on. I’m not much for crazy birthday celebrations, so I settled for the tried-and-tested good food, drinks and friends formula. With my progressive years, however, my progressively bad hangovers are giving me serious incentive to quit boozing. That would be difficult anywhere, and Japan is no exception. Beer is big business here. Oh well.

Cherry Blossom Viewing – ‘tis the season for Hanami, the perennial rush to the parks to see the fragile cherry blossom in its brief glory of blossom. I saw a news report last night about a park in Tokyo where people where sitting on mats for 2 days in advance, keeping their place in the park for the Hanami party. That’s just crazy, but the Japanese can’t get enough of the cherry blossom. It’s beyond an obsession here. Luckily, it’s not so busy in these parts, so I won’t have to wait around much. Sweet.

Back to the Books – after a 2 month break from studying Japanese, I’m back on the path to exams and qualifications and mind-boggling grammar / vocabulary. I mean, do I really need to know specialist Japanese words like “I have a desire to urinate” or “decoration-conferring ceremony” or “prerogative of supreme command”? I’m not sure these are the kind of expressions I can use in my daily conversations here, but the sacred JLPT 1 requires these to be learned. The JLPT 1 is probably the equivalent level to a Masters from a university, but it does not test writing or speaking skills, strangely. It will be my biggest challenge yet.

That’s all the news I can come up with at the moment. It’s been fairly quiet for the last few weeks. Now that the weather has picked up, I plan to make a few trips here and there, and start taking more pictures to post here. Promises promises…

Marching On...

2008-03-07T18:38:00.001+09:00

Well, it’s March already. It looks like I completely skipped my February entry on the blog. I’ll blame that on the never-ending winter that has descended upon Himi. It can suck the energy from you. It’s just not getting any warmer, and the snow continues to fall. If spring doesn’t get here soon, I fear for lives. Not really. Here’s the news.

JLPT Results: I passed! Actually I did a lot better than I expected, with an unforeseen 82% overall score. So, I’m now the proud owner of a JLPT 2 certificate. It’s a higher level than a degree in Japanese from a university, but nowhere near Masters level (JLPT 1). I celebrated in earnest – the details need not be mentioned.

Playstation 3: I forgot to mention this last time, but I’ve joined the realms of the gamers, by purchasing a Playstation 3. I haven’t played video games much since I was young. Back then I was into the Spectrum 48k. The difference between then and now is pretty amazing, when I think about it. Games have gone from Pacman to almost photo-realistic interactivity. Anyway, I’ve been tinkering with a few new games recently, and I must say the PS3 is pretty cool.

New Hobby: This might sound bizarre, but I’ve taken up juggling. Yes, juggling. It’s one of those things that I never knew how to do, but always wanted to learn. I was asked at one of my schools if I could juggle, and I said no. So I decided to learn. I found a few juggling clips on youtube and got started. I can now do the “3 ball cascade”, which is the basic 3 ball juggling that we all know. I haven’t tried 4 balls yet. I don’t think this hobby will last too long, as I really have no desire to progress further than the basics.

Cheese and Wine (again): the unwavering popularity of cheese and wine yet again led to outrageous drunkenness. This time, the venue was Vicky’s house, as the expected turnout was to be over 20 people. As it happened, there weren’t that many, but it was a good party nonetheless. Unfortunately I was on medication for a nasty cold at the time, and the wine had a particularly potent effect on me. By the time I left, I had to suffer the indignity of having my shoelaces tied for me. The hangover the next day wasn’t pretty.

Valentines Day: Only 3 chocolates this year, a marked decrease from last year. Here in Japan, girls give chocolate to guys on Valentine’s Day. Then there’s White Day, March 14^th, the guys’ turn. Cookies are the preference on White Day.

Work: I was offered another year-long contract in Himi, and I accepted. So, it’s another year in Japan for me.

Ski Trip: As always, great fun. The ski slopes were in good condition for the most part, but the weather could have been better. It snowed a lot. You don’t want it to snow when you’re actually skiing, because visibility becomes a problem. It tended to be fine in the morning and then snow in the afternoon. The usual trips to hot springs rounded off a good weekend.

March: there are lots of birthdays in the Hurley clan this month, including my own. So I’m gearing up for that. Other than that, I’m not expecting too many events from this month. I’ll finish up at the current schools and then start afresh in April at the next round of schools. I have about 10 days holidays for spring vacation, so I might do a bit of sightseeing in Japan. Weather pending…

January 2008

2008-01-06T13:53:00.000+09:00

Well, another year has arrived, even more quickly than the last. That's how it feels, anyway. Happy New Year to any and all who read this space! I hope you had a sober and moderate Christmas. If you did, shame on you.

What's new in Japan? Well,

Finished JLPT: I felt a weight off my shoulders as I left the exam hall that day. But it was tough, no doubt about it. And it was nerve-wracking too. It's been a long time since I sat an exam of any importance, so as I sat there in the hall before it started, my school days came floating to mind. In those days I don't think I felt the pressure of exams so much, such is the power of a youthful mind. But I felt it this time. I suppose it's because I actually studied this time around that made the difference. Anyway, I'll find out in mid-February whether I passed or not.

Forget-the-year-Party: This is an institution in Japan. At the end of the year, just about every employment establishment has a party, the function of which is to forget any bad stuff which happened that year and reaffirm good relations. It's called a Bounenkai. Perhaps the best translation is just "massive booze-up". It certainly didn't disappoint this year either. Platters of fresh fish, tempura, soups, sushi, beer, sake etc were served at the banquet. This was followed by the obligatory trip to a Snack Bar (aka hostess bar) where you can sing karaoke until you go hoarse. I'm not sure I remember what happened after that. But it was a good night. And you're supposed to forget, right? That's what the party is called, after all.

Trip to Tokyo: I've been craving a trip to Tokyo for a while now. I haven't spent much time in cities recently, so I needed a dose of urban life. Where better to get this fix than Tokyo, one of the most vibrant cities in the world? So my girlfriend Hitomi and I set off before Christmas for a 3 day trip.
Day 1: Spanish food, I remembered how good Tapas is. Then we went to a Kodo concert. Kodo are a group of traditional drummers from Japan. That makes them sound boring, but it's far more than drums. It's a spectacular blend of visuals and percussion. I was blown away by these guys. They do world tours regularly, and if they happen to play in a city near you, I highly recommend seeing them ( http://www.kodo.or.jp/frame.html ).
Day 2: Asakusa, Senso Temple, taking a river cruise while sipping on a beer, TGI Fridays (I needed some western food), Tokyo Tower ( from high up, a 360 degree view of Tokyo is pretty amazing), more beer.
Day 3: shopping in Naka Meguro, a chilled-out district in Tokyo where the insanity of Shibuya seems like a world away. All in all, it was a great trip.

Christmas Dinner a day early: You have to be flexible over here. So when Vicky offered to cook Christmas dinner for a few of us, I certainly wasn't complaining that it was on the 24th and not the 25th. We ordered a turkey. I made the stuffing. She did the rest - roast potatoes, mashed potatoes, pigs in blankets, parsnips, yorkshire puddings. It was an English style christmas dinner, and it was delicious. Thanks, Vicky. I drank way too much wine that day, but that's what it's about.

Post-Christmas Laziness: Since then, I've been a free man, with no pressing engagements and basically nothing to do. That's what I needed, though. The cold weather and bike rides were wearing me down in November and December. I knew I needed a serious recharge. So I've been reading books, sleeping in, watching DVDs and TV series (Lost, Prison Break, Heroes), going for walks, sleeping more, drinking tea, cleaning the flat, getting lost on the internet, playing guitar, watching the snow, cooking, sleeping... you get the picture. A leisurely lifestyle. It's the first time in a while. And I do feel like I had a good relaxing holiday.

But alas that has come to an end. I'm back to work tomorrow. Not that I'm dreading it, really. I've had enough of doing nothing in particular. I still need to work on my Japanese, of course. And I have plenty of other plans for 2008. So it's about time to switch up a gear and get back into a doing-things mindset. Perhaps that includes a more regular update of this blog, the reader may ask. We'll see. I like the once a month approach - no pressure. But maybe a bi-monthly update is more informative. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I'm off the booze for a while, at least one month, hopefully two months. And it's time to work off the dreaded Christmas paunch. So, as befits the New Year, it's healthy eating and drinking for a while. Goodbye beer and potato chips, Hello green tea and fish...

The JLPT !

2007-12-01T10:29:00.000+09:00

The time has finally arrived for me to pit my wits against a somewhat fiendishly difficult Japanese exam. They call this beast the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, and it comes in 4 species, named Level 4, Level 3, Level 2 and Level 1. Last year, I did battle with the creature called Level 3, and on that day I had the fortune to prevail. Realizing I meant business, this year they have put forward a formidable opponent, Level 2. Known for its cunning and merciless trick questions, this prose-heavy swine deluges its enemies with protracted difficult passages on abstract topics, such as pressure cookers, the mentality of teenagers, bizarre scientific experiments and such. While the stunned reader struggles for air in this maze of symbols, the clock ticks ever on, piling the pressure on until submission is inevitable. That's the idea, anyway. I think I've found a few weaknesses in this monster, but only time will tell. By this time tomorrow, I expect to be in an Irish bar in Toyama city, swilling down beer in celebration of having survived the duel. Whether I pass or not is something I will have to wait until the end of February to find out.

Good luck to anyone out there sitting the JLPT ! Lock and load...

Autumn has arrived

2007-09-26T19:26:00.000+09:00

All is well over here in Japan, it seems. The quiet arrival of Autumn has brought some delicious cool weather, much needed after a baking summer. I won't miss that summer Persistent Wall of Heat and Humidity that saps the strength from your very innards. Nope, these days the fresh breeze carries upon it a smoky scent; it's rice-harvesting time here and the farmers burn the empty rice husks in the evening, a pleasant perfume indeed. Nonetheless, Japan has seen its fair share of political turmoil recently, with the Prime Minister resigning suddenly, sparking a frenzy of TV debate and newspaper coverage. If I was any good at reading it, it might actually be interesting, but I'm still reading the less scintillating (but more beneficial) textbooks required to pass the JLPT exam in December. So, what's been going down here in Himi?

Work: the upheaval of leaving old schools has once again been replaced by the routine of new schools. They're all pretty far away by bike, so I'm doing about 15 kms a day on average by bike. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

More dinner parties: it's enkai season for me and my fellow teachers. Too many all-you-can-drink evenings has left me out of pocket, with nothing but a paunch in my gut to show for it. I'd better tighten my belt (only possible in the figurative sense, you understand) and get some cash together for my trip to Ireland.

My trip to Ireland: Dr. Dricky's wedding is the occasion this time, and I'm the best man. What this entails I'm not entirely certain, but of course there will be a speech. In fact, I wrote half the speech spontaneously while I was asleep. My subconscious must have been secretly working on this problem, because I woke up in the dead of night not long ago with a voracious desire to write down the speech I had just made in a dream. It wasn't too bad either! Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the trip, and this time I'll be taking my girlfriend. It's going to be her first time outside Japan so she can't wait. I haven't told her there isn't much sticky white rice in Ireland, though. I think it'll be ok.

Mother Nature: I'm delighted to report that there hasn't been any major seismic activity since the 2 nasty quakes a few months back. We did catch the tail end of a Typhoon or two, but that's nothing to a hardened veteran like myself. No Tsunami either. Like I said, it's been a quiet Autumn so far.

A 2-year old promise: Arriving at a restaurant dinner party recently, I was informed that the main course would be Roast Beef, specially requested by myself. Somewhat puzzled, as I had made no such request, I enquired further. It turns out that I had worked with the chef on a local TV cooking event about 2 years ago. He had said, "please come to my restaurant, and I will cook you roast beef". Great, I thought, fully intending to go the following week. However, my legendary apathy intervened and it took 2 years and a coincidental dinner booking to get me back in the restaurant. The chef then took me aside as said "I kept my promise!". Needless to say I felt every bit the flaky foreigner and humbly apologized for not frequenting his establishment. I do intend to correct that particular oversight. Damn you, Apathy!

Foreigners Look Funny: I don't usually report the bizarre and often hilarious things that Japanese kids say in class, but I will make an exception this time. Perhaps understanding more Japanese has its downside, but anyway, I walked into a class of 8 year olds recently to deliver my self-introduction. No sooner had I entered the classroom than a young boy piped up, addressing the homeroom teacher. "Teacher! Someone with a big nose has come into the class!". I couldn't contain my laughter. I turned out to be a good ice-breaker, though.

That about wraps it up for the moment. Let's see if I can churn out a few "About Japan" episodes soon...

Belay that Order !

2007-08-28T10:54:00.000+09:00

Don't remove The Uncanny Valley from your favorites just yet...

Well, if anyone is still checking this blog, you'll be stunned to find this update. It's been almost 2 months, it seems. As usual, I will offer a feeble excuse for not writing more regularly and this time I might as well blame the weather. If you know anything about Japan, you'll know that it can get like a furnace in summer. This summer saw unprecedented temperatures of over 40 degrees in parts of Japan. When you add to that a humidity factor that any sauna manager would be proud of, you find that your will to write a blog entry can be somewhat sapped. Nonetheless, it hasn't been a bad summer. On with the update (in no particular order)

Comings and Goings: the perennial recycling of foreign teachers continues. This time, 3 teachers left Himi. Thus, 3 new teachers have arrived. Welcome to Ann, Kelly and Heather! I think they were a little aghast at the power of Japan's summer, but then again, even the Japanese are.

Gion Matsuri: This is a festival which originated in Kyoto, I believe, but is celebrated in many parts of Japan. It's Himi's biggest festival. The main thoroughfare is shut down and filled to the gunnels with food stalls. Walking down that street is in itself an education in Japanese street food. The smells wafting up just make you want to eat EVERYTHING. Unfortunately, a strange bout of rain dampened the event somewhat this year, but of course, bellies were not disappointed with the miscellany of savory treats available.

Changing Schools: I finished up at Hokubu Junior highschool and have started in 2 other junior highs and 3 elementary schools. They're all miles away, so it's back to regular and long bike rides again. That reminds me, my bike was stolen! Yes, even in Japan, even in Himi, there is crime! I parked the bike unsuspectingly at the Board of Education offices. Upon emerging to get lunch, I was quite shocked to find that it was gone. And it hasn't turned up since (apparently, stolen bikes often turn up or are returned). So I'm using the boss's daughter's bike for the moment.

Grape-Picking: Sweet grapes (but not as sweet as last year), fine weather, good scenery. See last year's entry for details.

Kyoto: My love affair with this city continues. This time, I went down there for 2 days to meet Amy and Brian , who were spending some time in Japan. It was great to see some friendly faces from back home, and I think they really enjoyed Kyoto too. It was exceptionally hot, though. Beer was the order the day.

Surprise! I decided to try to organise a surprise birthday party for my girlfriend. This was the first time I have attempted such a logistically challenging party, but in the end it worked out very well indeed. Lots of her friends turned up and she was completely surprised. The food in the restaurant was great and the booze was flowing like a sweet river, the beer lending it a burnished, drunk color. What a night!

Himi Festival: The less said the better. I enjoyed this festival last year, but I think the heat brought out the freaks this year. A Weirdo shouting “ENGLISH, ENGLISH” in my face, and a collection of pie-eyed vendors being too pushy peddling their lukewarm food, not to mention the 2 flashers Ann was exposed to (literally) made for a rather lack-lustre time, personally speaking. The only saving grace was the 1 hour long fireworks display in the evening, which was pretty cool.

Health Check: the annual and mandatory poking and prodding. You get a cup when you enter the building. You have to add some urine and take it to the 4th floor. There, you place it on a table which has many other cups. It's weird. Then it's the eye test, ear test, blood pressure, blood sample, etc etc. The results aren't back yet.

Camping: I'm just back from this. Ah, yet again the power of the hot-spring was brought home to me. This was a weekend of meat, meat and then more meat. Too much MEAT !!!! But again, it was great fun. Getting on the scales after the weekend wasn't as much fun, though.

Study: the Japanese Language Proficiency Test grows ever closer, and I'm trying to get everything covered before the exam. However, this seems increasingly unlikely, so I'll just have to try to cut back on my social life a little and focus a bit more on learnin’ stuff. Let's see how that goes...

This is the last week of summer vacation in schools. I'm still not too busy, but it'll all kick in again next week. Opening ceremonies, sports days, self-introductions, long bike rides, etc. It kinda brings back the feeling of being a kid again, going back to school after the summer. Anyway, that's it for now. Let's see if I can manage another update before Christmas...

About Japan # 5

2007-07-02T20:17:00.000+09:00

Nerves

In the West, what do people do when they are nervous? Let's say you have a performance of some sort, or a speech to give in front of many people. There are many plausible situations, but we all surely feel those butterflies from time to time. Perhaps we might take several deep breaths to try to control our erratic breathing. Or we may talk to a friend about an unrelated subject, distracting us from the task at hand.

I recently discovered the Japanese equivalent. I've heard of two methods so far. The first is to imagine as vividly as possible that everybody you are addressing, or who are in front of you, are pumpkins! Yes, pumpkins. A pumpkin is of course unable to judge you, being a rather inanimate object. So even if you make a mistake, these pumpkins will not laugh. This, apparently, will relieve your giddy anxiety.

The second method sounds better to me. With your finger, you draw the Japanese character for "people" on the palm of your hand 3 times, and then you pretend to eat it! You eat the people. By consuming the people (who represent your audience), you have mastered them. The logical conclusion is that there is no need to feel nervous.

So, next time you feel a restive tingle in your tract, just write "people" in English on the palm of your hand and pretend to eat the word. Let me know if it works...

June Update

2007-06-24T17:05:00.000+09:00

(Almost 2 years in Japan !)

Well well, doesn't time fly on this side of the globe. It's almost 2 years since I arrived at these foreign shores. In a moment of nostalgia, I decided to look through all the photos I've taken since I got here, and I noticed a theme running through the entire collection. Rather than spell it out for you, I thought I'd upload a few pictures and let you figure out the connection.

Figured it out yet? Yes, that's right, I appear to have a secret penchant for headgear! This was a complete surprise to me. And yet, the evidence speaks for itself.

And now, having exposed my inner secrets, I'll get on with the update. Not that there's too much to tell, to be honest. I can genuinely blame my blog inactivity on work (for once, you may think to yourself). Since starting at Hokubu Junior High School in April, I have been working like a Japanese person. Well, maybe not quite that hard, but hard enough. I've even had to do (gasp) overtime! What else has been going on?

Guitar: I purchased a nice guitar from a guitar collector in Himi. He had so many guitars in his house that he was tripping over them, apparently. So he was quite eager to flog some off at a reduced price. I was only too happy to oblige. So I'm the proud owner a decent Yamaha guitar again, the first good guitar I've possessed since I got to Japan.

My very own Sushi ! I've invented a sushi roll. It consists of the usual rice and seaweed wrapping, but to give it a Celtic twist, there's lettuce and an orange spicy sauce. Let's see, the lettuce is green, the rice is white and the sauce is orange. There's egg in it too, just to make it a bit more substantial. What kind of concoction is this?

Please feast your eyes on the "IRISH ROLL".

What do you think? It's on 200 yen for 6 pieces!

Kimchee: I've fallen in love with the stuff. I can't stop eating this pickled delight from Korea. It's spicy and cabbagey and it stinks. Give me more.

Justus's Goodbye Party. It's inevitable that ALTs return to their homeland, it can't be helped. But Justus hit upon the idea of having a pot luck party outdoors, in Himi's own Asahiyama Park. The weather was splendid, a brief and glorious sunny spot in the middle of a rainy month. More outdoor parties must be held.

Rainy Season has started in this part of Japan. I don't like this "season" at all. It's not actually a season, but that beside the point. It's hot and humid and it rains all the time. That's bad news for people without a car, like me.

Japanese Study: the long and winding road towards Level 2 of the JLPT exam continues for me. I almost got a heart attack recently when I discovered that the Reading Section of the exam was actually 50% of the total marks. Reading is my weakest point! I've got over 5 months to get my reading skills up to speed, or I'll fail the exam. If I fail the exam, I'm going to drink 3 bottles of whiskey every day until Christmas and then I'm going to beat Santa about the head with a weighty Japanese dictionary. Not that it's his fault or anything.

About Japan: I've neglected my mini series on Japan too. Apologies, but I do have a few interesting ideas for that, which I'll be posting within the next week. Watch this space.

Mosquitos: I despise them. They're filthy and inconspicuous. They're the ultimate nuisance. And they're cowards! When the lights are on, they wait in hidden locations, taking notes about where the sleeping equipment is. And as soon as that light switch goes off, they come out, lusting for blood, buzzing like scumbags around my ears. Trying to drink my blood. These monsters are the epitome of evil in this world. I want to wipe out these vampires in one fell swoop. In the meantime, I bought and electric gadget which emits a scent that is noxious to mosquitos but unnoticeable to humans. I've achieved Step 1 in my plan to rid the globe of these bugs. Repulsion.

Diet: I'm on a health regime to lose some extra kilos in preparation for summer. Not that I'm going to be playing beach volleyball or anything, but I've decided I want to be more active this summer and take advantage of the nice weather and the proximity to the beach. OUT = bread, crisps, cheese, excessively greasy stuff. IN = fruit, traditional Japanese food, veg etc. Let's see how it goes. If you're lucky, I'll post a picture of my gut every day so you can watch the progress.... Don't worry, I'm not that cruel. I wouldn't do such a thing to my loyal readers.

Ok folks, that's it for now. I'll get to work on the About Japan post. It's raining again. bzzzzzzz......

Still Alive

2007-06-18T22:47:00.000+09:00

Will post an update within the next few days...

Overdue May Update

2007-05-11T17:29:00.000+09:00

Again it’s been a while since my previous update, so what the hell have I been up to that’s kept me so busy? Well, I’ll tell you at length. Because right now, I have some time on my hands. I’m sitting in the staffroom at school with nothing to do. The students and most of the teachers have all gone on their school trip. I wasn’t invited (grrr) but I’m told there are separate insurance issues for foreign teachers, hence no invitation. I’m skeptical. There’s an eerie emptiness about large schools with no students. It’s a bit like what I imagine a ghost ship’s inside would be. And the skeleton crew here in the staffroom are looking a little menacing. I may be suddenly offered coffee at any moment. At any rate, let’s get on with the update.

Gong Gong Festival: this annual Himi festival was originally a plea by the farmers for rain, I believe, to help the rice crops along and thus have a good harvest. To carry out this plea, you walk to a local temple where there’s a huge bell which you beat with a heavy wooden log and it makes a “Gong” sound. Hence the name of the festival. I think I wrote about this last year, so I’m not going to dwell on it this time round.

Sinusitis Update: I was quite under the weather in April, afflicted with a persistent bout of sinusitis, but I’m glad to report that it has (finally) cleared up and I’m full of beans again, as they say back home. Beans, beans are good for your heart, the more you eat, the more you …. Ah, baked beans, I do miss them. Beans on toast, oh to behold your weird beauty just once more…

The (Unsolved) Mystery of the Exploding Cake: I can’t believe I didn’t take any pictures of this. What a shame! Vicky decided to make a cake for her ‘friend who is a man’s birthday. She enlisted me and Linda to help. Unfortunately, and I’m not assigning blame to Linda at all here, no blame at all to Linda I say, the recipe was incorrectly transcribed from the original. Instead of 4 teaspoons of baking powder, it read 4 tablespoons of baking powder. That’s a lot! We put it in the cake mix. We put the cake in the microwave oven. We waited. We waited a little more. And then… And then….The cake turned into a volcano! As cake batter spewed out, overflowing the helpless banks of the cake tin, I wondered where it all went wrong. The thick brown molten goo advanced ever onward and proceeded to thoroughly soil the inside of the microwave, seemingly intent on wreaking a cruel chocolately havoc. The girls dutifully spooned out the overflow, but the cake kept coming! With an iron will, the cake gave up its very innards, belching out its vital brown centre to leave a terrible injured cavity in the middle, where only a soft and bouncy sponge should have been. There was a sadness in that cake. A loss of innocence.

Band Rehearsals: The upcoming Blues Event in Wyatt demands that I perform. I haven’t played blues in a band for quite a while, so it has been a pleasure to recently get back in the swing of it. The gig is on the 20th May. Pictures to follow.

Golden Week: A series of consecutive national holidays in Japan. This year, the dates fell quite nicely, and I only had 2 days of work during Golden Week. The Japanese travel en masse during this holiday, and I’m talking about numbers of people that would boggle your mind. Personally, I dislike going around Japan during this week. Everything is so unbelievably busy and packed that it just doesn’t seem worth it. Maybe I’m just too old for crowds like that. I spent a relaxed Golden Week, eating yakitori, drinking cold beer, studying Japanese, watching movies, going to the beach etc. I’ll take that over massive snaking queues any day.

Barbecue: With the recent warm weather, I simply couldn’t turn down the kind invite I received to join a barbecue by the river. The weather was hot (and windy), the beer was cold, the meat was cooked on a charcoal grill. What more need I say?

Well, it turns out I have plenty of coffee for the day. In fact, I have a whole pot to myself. The school trip teachers made it before they left and it appears nobody drank it. Thank you very much! I’m kinda wishing I could lace my coffee with some Irish whiskey right about now, but that just wouldn’t be right, would it?
Well, that’s about it for the moment. Another weekend has arrived, and that’s a great relief. Alas the weather hasn’t quite managed to maintain its recent glory, so it may be an indoor weekend.

About Japan #4

2007-04-15T13:41:00.000+09:00

Hanami

This could be literally translated as "flower watching", but in Japan it is nothing so mundane as it sounds. For in Japan there is one tree whose blossoming leaves are the subject of particular devotion. It is the inspiration for thousands of poems, songs, books, TV shows etc etc. The list goes on. Of course, I am referring to the legendary Cherry Blossom tree, or Sakura in Japanese. It is bare for most of the year, but for about one week every Spring, it's delicate pink leaves tentatively emerge and transform a derogate looking tree in a majestic triumph of Nature. At this time, Japanese people flock to local parks where dozens and dozens of these beautiful cherry blossoms line the walkways. That's when the fun starts. In picnic style, you bring some delicious food and alcohol. Next, you spread out a blue mat on the ground (I'm not sure why a blue mat is used) and tuck into your goodies. And that's basically it. You enjoy good food and conversation whilst steadily getting sozzled, all the time taking in the breathtaking cherry blossoms. I am going this week, so I will be sure to take some pictures and post them very soon.

March Wrap-Up

2007-04-01T16:36:00.000+09:00

Well, it's the first of April, so I thought I'd do a quick summary of March, seeing as I forgot a few significant events. To be more specific, I forgot to post about my birthday!

Birthday: Maybe it's because I secretly wanted to forget about turning 31 that I forgot to write about it in my blog. Or maybe I was too hungover. Who knows. Either way, this time round, I was the proud recipient of 3 birthday cakes. Not 1, not 2, but 3 birthday cakes! That's the most I've ever received. Clearly, everyone thinks I'm very thin and need to put on some weight (yeah, right). One of these cakes bore a painstakingly wrought image of myself (see picture). This was given to me in school by some teachers. When cutting the cake, they decided that nobody could eat the part with my face on it, except me that is. So they cut around my face, then extracted it and divided up the rest amongst themselves. How thoughtful!

Earthquake Update: there have been plenty of aftershocks from the earthquake, but all have been minor, thankfully. I'm told the region could experience these minor tremors for a few weeks, with decreasingly frequency and intensity. That's good news. It's not an experience I'd care to repeat ever again.

Spring Break: there are no classes in school, so I took the opportunity to visit Kyoto and Osaka again. This time, I went to Universal Studios Japan (in Osaka) with my girlfriend. There's a cool new rollercoaster there that gives you a sense of zero gravity. My favourite ride was "Spiderman". The things they can do with 3-d glasses technology these days is amazing. To borrow an American phrase, it was awesome.

We also checked out the Aquarium in Osaka, a very interesting spot with all manner of bizarre sea creatures. I particularly liked the weird stationary crabs. They were all just standing still, upright, in this dark tank. It was a bit menacing, actually. All the kids were afraid of them. That was Osaka. Kyoto was great too, as always. What a city, it's one of my favourites. So many beautiful old temples, shrines and streets.

New Staff: every April in Japan, many teachers get moved from the schools they're in. It's the Japanese system. Most teachers never stay in one school longer than a few years. This includes the staff in my office too, kenkyusho. I've known all the staff there since I arrived in Japan, but when I got back from Kyoto, I learned that they were ALL being moved. All of them! It's pretty unsettling when the staff you've got to know well and built a good relationship with are suddenly gone, replaced by people you never met. It's an unsettling time of year, to be honest. I'll also be starting in new schools from next week. That should be interesting. All change, all change.

Next post will be Easter maybe. I already have my Cadburys Crunchie Easter Egg (thanks to Theresa for that). Mmmm ...

Earthquake

2007-03-25T20:31:00.000+09:00

Today I experienced my first major earthquake. Living in Japan, I suppose that was an eventuality, eventhough it is very rare for this particular area to get hit. It measured 7.1 on the Richter Scale and happened in Ishikawa, the neighbouring prefecture. Himi took some heavy damage, but got off a little lightly compared to Ishikawa, it seems. I'm unhurt, my readers will be glad to know. You can read about the quake here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6492473.stm

All comments are welcome...

About Japan #3

2007-03-22T19:10:00.000+09:00

The Doll Festival - Hina Matsuri

This annual festival entails displaying a set of dolls in front of a golden screen, usually within your house. Apparently, the original meaning of this act was to ward off evil demons, but recently it seems to have become more of a blessing for unmarried girls. The festival culminates on March 3rd, when you must take the dolls down. If you don't, your daughter may have difficulty finding a husband, so the legend goes. Around the time of this festival, a delicious sweet becomes available in the shops. It's a personal favourite of mine. It's called Sakura Mochi, or, cherry blossom rice cake. It's a delectable layered sweet, with anko (bean paste) in the middle, surrounded by mochi (a kind of sticky rice), and wrapped in a salted cherry blossom leaf. Take my word for it, it's class! Here are pictures of some hina dolls, and sakura mochi:

I Hate Hot Dogs

2007-03-10T16:19:00.000+09:00

Yes, I have recently come to hate them. They're nasty and greasy and full of menacing processed gunk. If we're talking about artery-clogging, unwholesome and probably downright toxic foods, then the humble hot dog must surely come first in a race of all the junk out there. I mean, who came up with the idea of mashing up a pig into a cylinder and stuffing it into a soft bap? A fool, that's who. A jackass.

Why the sudden tirade against this seemingly innocuous variant of the sandwich? Let me explain. I was recently drafted (dare I say conscripted) into a food eating competition. You've already guessed it, it was a hot dog eating competition. I won't go into the details of why I accepted such a ridiculous challenge, but I suppose the lure of 1st prize, an all-expenses-paid trip to Guam (info on Guam: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guam ) had something to do with it. At any rate, me and a friend stepped up. The rules were easy to understand: Eat as many hot dogs as you can in 20 minutes, any way you can. I'm sure there are various methods involved, if you take these things seriously. Drinking a lot of water is the key, I now know.

Well, I'm not going to go into too much detail about how I felt during this contest, as I shovelled buns into my mouth. But, it was a rather disgusting experience. Okay, it was kinda fun too, I'll admit it. Maybe the following before and after pictures will give you an idea:

Before: feeling confident, unaware of the gut-rot ahead of us

During: beginning to sense that we had been tricked into a sinister game

After: truly disgusted, smothered by an all encompassing self-loathing

I put in a good performance, it seems. I ate 8 hot dogs in 20 minutes. It may not seem like a hell of a lot, but if you try it, you too will soon discover the nauseating power of the hot dog. Nonetheless, 8 hot dogs was enough to put me in 5th position on the leaderboard! I was the only foreigner who made it to the top 5. I'm sure that's nothing to be proud of, but there you go. Check it out:

One more thing. In a bizarre twist of masochistic mental confusion, the next day I got a powerful urge to eat more hot dogs. That is surely a testament to the truly horrific effects that this particular kind of "food" can wreak upon the unsuspecting brain. Don't try this at home!

About Japan #2

2007-03-01T20:26:00.000+09:00

The Stomach

One of the things I like about learning Japanese is the interesting and amusing linguistic quirks I come across from time to time. I suppose every language has its own little cute idioms. As we know, English has plenty to go round. Likewise, Japanese has a good smattering of them. Some of my favourites belong to a group of phrases related to the stomach. Yes, you heard me right. Check out a few of these examples:

How do you say "I'm angry" in Japanese? One way is to say "My stomach is standing up!". Others:
Eng: Have wicked thoughts = Jap: Have a black stomach
Eng: Hide your real intention = Jap: Not show the inside of your stomach
Eng: Find out someone's real intention = Jap: read someone's stomach
Eng: be ready for something = Jap: have your stomach in position

Also, during lightning storms, I have heard several Japanese people say that you should cover your belly button. If you don't, the lightning god will steal it! This is more of a cute old wives tale, of course. People don't really believe it. At least, I hope not.
Lastly, here is what you say when someone says something ridiculous. In English, we might sarcastically say "Yeah, and pigs will fly". In Japanese, you say "Yeah, and your belly button will boil tea". I kid you not.

About Japan #1

2007-02-19T18:28:00.000+09:00

Okay, welcome to my mini-blog, (within the main one) about Japanese customs, habits, food, just about anything which I deem worthy of a footnote. And let's kick off this section with a very seasonal holiday: yes, it's...

Valentine's Day: maybe you didn't know this, but Valentine's Day is celebrated in Japan too. The difference is that girls give chocolate to the guys! They often make the chocolates themselves too, for that extra human touch. If you're a Japanese girl, you can give chocolate to anyone, not just your main man. In fact, it is kind of expected that you give workmates a token bit of chocolate too. But you can give the special home-made stuff to your boyfriend/husband etc. It's not all one-way traffic, if you're feminist and getting hot under the collar right about now. One month later, on March 14th, there is "White Day", when the guys return the favour and shower their lucky ladies with cookies or cakes (the guys don't make them, though). As my friend cynically remarked, it's the chocolate companies who feel best after these two holidays.

HUGE Update !!!

2007-02-12T13:51:00.000+09:00

WARNING: This blog entry contains a massive number of English words. Some readers may be offended by its seeming endlessness. Parental beatings are advised.

Okay okay, it's been way too long since my last update. I know this and have been reminded by loyal readers of the blog, but I'm a busy man, remember? I have constant social engagements to attend to (garden parties, dinner soirees, cocktail launches etc) , not to mention the time consuming task of teaching the difference between "r" and "l". (NOTE: To future teachers in Japan: DO NOT teach the tongue twister "Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry"). So please accept my apologies for the delay. And without further ado, let me proceed to apprise you of the last month's activities, in reverse order.

Feb: 9-11: Ski Trip. I'm just back from this trip. A small troop of Himi teachers and Mr. Sushi set off for the snowy peaks of Hakuba, in Nagano Prefecture. This is same place I went skiing last year. I was nervous that I'd completely forget everything and tumble my way through the entire trip. But, bless the snow gods, it all came flooding back to me as soon as I got on the slopes. In fact, I got a lot better this time around. The first day was beautiful, sunny, not too cold, but with good snow on the slopes. Yesterday, it snowed heavily, making the skiiing a little more difficult, but I thoroughly enjoyed it anyway. As with last time, the ski-trip experience isn't simply the skiing. It's the hot springs, the cheap curry, the company, the scenery, the snow etc etc.

Feb 8th: My results arrived! I sat the JLPT exam in December (Japanese Language Proficiency Test). I did Level 3 (there are 4 levels, Level 1 being completely fluent). I passed with a resounding 92%. I felt a certain pride in that, I must admit. I've already started studying for Level 2. It's much more difficult, but there should be enough time to sit it this year.

Feb 6th: What's another year? I signed on the dotted line ............ again. I'm staying in Himi for 1 more year. It's confirmed. I'm surprised too, but exactly as with last year, I just felt that I had more to do here in Japan. That it wasn't time. So, if anyone out there is still interested in a holiday in Japan, get your thinking cap on, there's free accommodation in my palatial 2 room apartment!!

Jan-Feb: Enkai Season: All of sudden, from the murky depths of the paperwork abyss that is the Japanese system of beaurocracy, came the many plans for Enkai, or dinner parties. Having gone without these for a while, I had a cracking time at the three I've attended in the last few weeks. There's another one next week. These parties are always all-you-can-drink, with (usually) great food and the perennially enjoyable spectacle of witnessing excessively hard-working Japanese people relax and let it all hang out (quite literally sometimes).

Jan 27: My first Japanese wedding! What a privalege it was to be invited to this, my local barman's wedding. I'm on pretty good terms with the guy, but Japanese weddings are usually for only family and close friends. So I was delighted to be invited. The catch was that I had to play 2 songs at the actual wedding reception, in front of all the aforementioned families and close friends. It was unnerving. I chose "Love Me Tender" and "Til There Was You". By all accounts, the songs went down ok, but I just wanted to get it out of the way and enjoy the wedding. Which I proceeded to do. There were about 12 courses for dinner. The couple did about 3 costume changes. The whole event was very theatrical, almost like a theme park take on a western wedding. They did change into very traditional Japanese clothes for a while, but this wedding seemed quite western. The ceremony was actually held in a fake chapel. And the bride had a huge white dress. Having said that, overall it did have a lot of small differences. At the reception, the couple are made to play games by the guests. This time, the bride had to burst balloons containing instructions for the groom. He had to perform a variety of acts, including my personal favourite, an apology to his parents for any bad things he did as a child.
From there, dozens of candles were lit. Each guest lit one. Then the couple lit a luminous candle-type thing which was the centerpiece of each table. Then the cake was cut. Later on, there were some speeches, but they were fairly short. At the end of the wedding, I got a bag-load of gifts from the newlyweds. Every guest gets lots of gifts. How bizarre!

Jan-Feb: The Weather: The snow has disappeared again. If snowed only for a few days, and for a moment it reminded me of last year's treacherous conditions. But in a flash, the sun returned and melted it all. It has been cold and rainy, but there's no snow! That's an absolute blessing for a man whose bicycle is his only way to get around, a man whose bicycle is even the focus of his dreams... that's one for my secret blog, you know, the blog where I reveal anything I can't say here. Email me for info.

Unreturned Book Update: Remember the book I never returned? Remember the strange man who almost knocked me off my bike so he could give me a tour of his house? He rang me recently. He rang me! How the hell did he get my number? After a quick hello, he asked if I remembered him. "Of course", I replied. "You still have my book, don't you?", he asked. "Yes. Yes, I do" I admitted. "I'd like to discuss it with you. Let's meet up" he offered. "Okay, I'll ring you when I have time" I said and brushed him off. What am I going to do? He wants his book back. But my blog readers have insisted that I never give it back to him! I'm in a difficult position now. Please advise.

"Taboo": The discovery of the century. Taboo is a party word game. Players take turns describing a word or phrase on a drawn card to their partner without using five common additional words or phrases also on the card. The opposing partners watch a timer and use a buzzer to stop the game, buzz the player describing if one of the five off limits words or phrases is used, or the describing player makes any gestures. Sounds rubbish on paper, but it's a blast. Fast, furious, guaranteed to make you wet your pants like a gibbering infant, it's my recommendation for everyone for 2007.

Japanese Culture: I had the idea to start an ongoing series of short blog entries about Japan and its customs. I will add these as things occur to me. Also, these will serve as fillers between the seemingly increasing gaps between my main entries. Enjoy.

Okay, I'm sure there's lots of stuff I left out, but my brain is throbbing now so I can't go on. Time for a nice cup of tea, followed by a hot shower and resting my aching limbs. If you're still reading, I'm amazed you made it this far. You skimmed, didn't you? Tut tut .....

10 Things I Miss

2007-01-11T16:20:00.000+09:00

Well, fresh from my trip home, I decided that it would be a good time to make a short list of some of the things I pine for while I'm here in Japan. And I'm not talking about family and friends, as these things are a given, of course. I'm talking about items, goods, things, gadgets etc that I can't get. Things that, when I went to Ireland, I knew immediately I was worse off for not having. Here we go. Some may surprise you, the western reader. In no particular order:

1: Electric Kettles. Believe it or not, the stove-top kettle is the mainstay of water-boiling in Japan, at least in my part of Japan anyway. I got used to it when I came, but having experienced the supreme convenience of the electric kettle again back home, a tea-lover like myself knows that this piece of kit is simply better in all ways than it's non-electrified counterpart.

2: Central Heating. That's right, there's no central heating here. Homes are heated with kerosene burners. They stink, they're dangerous and worst of all, they don't heat rooms very well.

3: A bed. Not having a bed isn't so bad, really. And of course, if I wanted one, I could buy one. The fact that I haven't is a sign that I'm not that badly off without it. Still though, a bed is a good thing.

4: Having an oven: I used to cook so much. I tried all kinds of roasts and baking. Ovens are a real rarity here. I think it's because they take up a lot of space and that's a big deal in a small Japanese home.Also, Japanese food, for the most part, doesn't really require an oven. My microwave does have an oven, and it's ok for small stuff. But the majesty of a large oven is a force to be reckoned with.

5: Health Food Shops: And the health food aisle in the Supermarket. It's not like I'm a health freak or anything. But I badly miss how easy it is to choose healthy food back home. A lot of Japanese food is healthy, of course, but a lot of it isn't either. It would be nice to be able to choose from a wider variety.

6: Good Cheese: The cheese here stinks, no pun intended. Most of it is processed and the imported stuff costs an arm and a leg.

7: Understanding Everything around you: I had kinda forgotten what it's like to understand billboards, menus, conversations around you, letters addressed to you, etc etc etc

8: Pints: Ah, for an Irishman, there's just something comforting about a solid pint. The weight of it, the shape of it, the payload...

9: TV: I don't watch much TV in Japan and I don't miss it that much, to be honest. But it was good to feel absorbed in a documentary again.

10: 24 hour ATMs / online banking: Bank machines close at 7pm here! Yes, ATMs close at 7pm. And you can't do internet banking. How many times have I been caught out by this!

That's it for now. I suppose I should do a "10 good things about Japan" post, to give a balanced view. We'll see. By the way, if anyone has anything else that they think Japan may not have, or stuff that it does have that you can't get in the West, post a comment. I'd like to hear a few opinions.
Until the next instalment...

Hello 2007 !!

2007-01-07T13:23:00.000+09:00

Happy New Year to my dear readers ! Ok, I'm a week late with that, but better late than never, right? And I've joined the ranks of the ill again, unfortunately. I'm sporting a very nasty cold, which my father was generous enough to pass on to me on my last day at home (thanks Pat). But he bought me a very nice breakfast too so I can't complain. I'm holed up in my flat, keeping warm for now. I suppose you could say I'm facing the new year with a sniffle, rather than a bang. I'm not as young as I used to be. And this cold has given me a real beaten-up, caveman kinda look. I saw myself in the mirror this morning, and I looked more gorilla than man. It was kinda cool, actually.

So, how was my Christmas? Well, it was just what I needed. It was a balanced combination of seeing old friends, spending time with my family and enjoying all the food and drink I can't get hold of in Japan. In particular, I enjoyed a delicious roast lamb, succulent and juicy, with the tender meat only needing a dash of salt and pepper to bring it to perfection. I drank quite a lot of alcohol too, looking back on it, but that's to be expected at Christmas I suppose. All in all, I had a great time and besides the immediate discomfort if being sick, I am fully recharged and ready for whatever 2007 can throw at me.

I also spent a few days in London, my old stomping ground. It was nice to check it out again. I had forgotten the sheer amount of fantastic shops around the city. It was a treat to see all those classics like Fortnum and Mason again. Alas, I didn't get to do my "Big Comparison Experiment" in London. I wanted to eat Japanese food there, so that I would know exactly the difference between Japanese food in Japan and Japanese food in England. Having just arrived from Japan, I was in a perfect position to conduct such an experiment, but time being tight, it didn't happen. In fact, in order to see everyone, I had to put them into 3-hour slots and then move quickly on. It was strange meeting all these different sets of friends all in the space of 3 days. I felt very important, needless to say.

I still haven't seen my TV interview!! How was it? Will someone please tell me!

That's it for now. My bleary eyes can barely focus on the screen so I'll wait until the sickness subsides and do another update. Until then...

The Interview

2006-12-07T19:28:00.000+09:00

Well, it's been a long time coming, but I finally have the time to update the blog. I even received a complaint from a disgruntled reader (you know who you are. apologies) who kept checking for my "special update" only to draw an ongoing blank. Speaking of which, this "special" update isn't really that special, so I hope I didn't get your hopes up too much. Nothing life altering or anything like that. BUT !

Interview: I'm going to be featured on TV here! Yes, an intimate interview with my good self, where I share detailed opinions on the vicissitudes of life, geopolitics and front line feminist theory. Errm, well not as such. Why not? Because I had to do the interview in Japanese, that's why. My conversational ability did restrict the scope of the interview somewhat, but I think there was a good vibe about the whole thing. Before I give the wrong impression, this is not national TV, and not even far reaching regional TV. This is local, local, local. Still pretty cool, though, I thought. And worth a mention, I'm sure you'll agree. I also did a short guitar performance and a blues session with a few local bluesmen. Here are some snaps:

The reason for the delay in this post is twofold. Firstly, I've been extremely busy with work and preparing for the Japanese exam. Also, there was a bizarre wrangle between my boss and the TV station about whether or not the interview can be broadcast. My boss refused permission for it to be aired, saying that it might give the "wrong impression" of foreign teachers in Himi. He hadn't seen any footage and maybe he thought it had taken place in a den of iniquity or something like that (it had, kinda). But the TV station convinced him everything was above board and he finally acquiesced. All that trouble for a small TV show in the middle of nowhere! It's going to go on air on the 17th of December here.

The Japanese Proficiency Exam: I'm glad to report that I had no problems to speak of. It was fine. I was surprised to see the sheer amount of gaijin turning up for the exam. Seeing hundreds of foreigners in one place is indeed a rare sight in Japan.

The rest of 2006: I'll be attending a Christmas party tomorrow, wrapping up work next week and then setting sail (figuratively speaking) for The West on Saturday next week. After a 3 day stop in London to catch up with anyone who still remembers me, I'll be settling into a relaxing stay in Cork City, with a few Irish coffees to keep things ticking over. Can't wait...

November Update

2006-11-22T20:15:00.000+09:00

Well, it's been a while since my last confession, but to be honest it's been fairly quiet around here recently. I've also been sick, so I suppose I've been spending more time indoors on the mend than out and about. Nonetheless, I have scrounged together a few noteworthy incidents to report, in the hope that even the sparsest of details will slake the thirst of the inquisitive reader.

A Modest Proposal, Part 2: Yes, a long awaited new installment from everyone's favorite mini-series of my life! And this time it's personal. However, I'm sorry to say that everyone's favourite character (the man whose book I haven't returned) will not be playing a part today. For Part 1, I refer you to ( http://theuncannyvalley.blogspot.com/2006/01/modest-proposal.html ) . Part 2 happened recently at a dinner for teachers. One of the female teachers was downing the booze at breakneck speed, urging, insisting even, that everyone else to do likewise. Dubious looks were exchanged. Not long after, her eyes began to glaze, and she started talking about her daughter, aiming comments my way. "What do you think of Japanese girls?". Or a sly, "my daughter speaks great English", and even "my daughter likes foreign men, you know". This continued for a while, the comments and suggestions beginning to multiply exponentially. It quickly mutated into "You should come around to our house for dinner sometime" and "Japan is a good place to live" and (my own personal favourite) : "my daughter is very pretty, but you know, her mother likes foreign men too!". At this point, the entire gathering was aware of what was happening, and guffaws of laughter were being bandied about from all quarters. Luckily, we were whisked off to karaoke before it went any further. Or so I thought !

After singing for a while, it was decided that enough was enough and the taxis were summoned. The same woman sat next to me in the taxi. She said: "I live very near. When I am being dropped off, I will run inside and bring my daughter out so you can meet her". ???????????????? In a flash, we were at her house. What on earth was she thinking?? As my eyes bulged and the pit of my guts broiled in panic, I blurted out a "no, no, no, ..." but in the blink of a terrorized eye, she was gone, seeking out her doubtless baffled daughter. It was a bizarre moment. As I sat in the back seat, cold, with a sour taste in my mouth and the taxi door swinging open, the teacher in the front seat explained to the driver that the woman wanted her daughter to marry a foreigner. The driver looked back and gave a little knowing smirk. How embarrassing. Suddenly, I heard footsteps. The front door opened. A head poked out. It was the mother. "She's in her pajamas, I'm sorry but she can't come out". Sigh Sigh Sigh. No problem, I called, and patted Mr Taxi Driver on the shoulder. Let's Roll.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm very flattered that some people want me to marry their daughters. And I don't want to seem ungrateful. But I just get the impression that it's not me, as such. Foreigners are few and far between here in Himi. Anyone will do! Beggars can't be choosers, right? You know what I mean. And anyway, who wants to sit in a taxi, shivering, waiting for a girl you've never met to come and say, well, say what exactly? You get the picture, I'm sure. Anyway, I've decided to report every time this kind of thing happens. If my ego needs a boost, I can always re-read the blog entries, I suppose.

The Sickness: I've had a nasty cold for a while, and it suddenly transformed into a throat infection. In fact, my throat was so sore that I lost my voice! I couldn't talk at all. I spent last weekend in total silence, trying to effect a speedy recovery for the Interview Test I was conducting in school on Monday and Tuesday.

The Interview Test: luckily I had recovered sufficiently to be understood by the students. The test went without event until the last student (I kid you not), the last student! came into the room and said "nihongo de douzo", which basically translates as "let's do the test in Japanese". What a cool thing to say at an English interview test, I thought. I fought back the urge to give her 100%, and after she failed to say anything other than "hello" in English, I promptly failed her. She shows promise as a comedian, though, I thought to myself.

Well, it's been a longer-than-expected post today, so I'll knock it off for now. I have a special blog entry for next week, so stay tuned! My lips are sealed for the moment...

Oh Fickle Mother Nature

2006-11-07T22:40:00.000+09:00

Allow me to quote directly from my most recent blog entry: "And the weather is still perfect". I just couldn't keep my mouth shut, could I? Truly, I wish I had kept my luckless gob shut. But alas I did not, and a hex upon the heavens it proved to be. For today, following hot on the heels of a sleepless bellowing thunderstorm last night, the sky opened and a deluge of hail cascaded upon the befuddled masses below. Now, I'm all for new experiences, but:

Have you ever ridden a crappy bicycle during a heavy hail shower? And before you answer, you should know that Japanese hail is different to its European counterpart. It's BIGGER. In fact, it's just about the only thing that's bigger in Japan than in Europe. And have you ever peddled furiously down a steep hill whilst huge hailstones fly into your nostrils from all manner of bizarre angles? Have your knuckles ever felt like a hundred icy needles were piercing the very bones as they gripped the sub-zero metal of the handlebars? Well, today, I experienced these unpleasant conditions, as you might have guessed.

In fact, it began as rain. Indeed there was a breathtaking cold in the air, but nothing was suspicious. Then, as I rode slowly home, the merest flicker of ice appeared in the air. Then it got bigger. And bigger. And then they were BALLS of ICE. Ok, they weren't like golf balls or anything, but for a moment, a split-second, I began to have visions of a disaster movie scene, where footballs of ice pelt down from the sky at millions of miles per second, slicing bodies into gruesome fractions. But then I realised I was being overly dramatic.

Then, all of a sudden, I was gripped by a sort of delirium. I don't know why I remembered it as I rode in the storm, but an old friend's favourite saying came to mind. He used to say, "Ian, it's better than a slap in the face with a wet packet of fish". I don't really know what this means, but I recalled it and burst into laughter as the hailstone invaded my nostrils again and again. It was a rather surreal moment, to be honest. And now, looking back on it, I feel the need to ask you a simple question. This is just to satisfy my own curiousity, of course. Have you ever burst into abberant laughter while remembering an obscure statement a friend made years ago, all while riding a crappy bike in a storm as Japanese hailstone flew up your nose from unusual angles? No? Well, I'm not surprised...

Making Soba

2006-11-04T18:11:00.000+09:00

I've made a final decision. Autumn is definitely the best season of em all. Yesterday, a few friends and I went to a place called Toga (in Toyama) to make some soba from scratch. Soba is a type of Japanese noodle, which can be eaten hot or cold. The noodles themselves are shaped a little like spaghetti, but the colour is greyish, or greenish or brownish. It's a delicious food, needless to say.

The drive to Toga, which took about an hour, was a visual treat. There were stunning autumnal vistas everywhere I turned my head. The mountains ranged by and we arrived at the place. In a large kitchen, several groups of people listened to a weather beaten old Japanese lady talk us through the finer points of how to make it. We started with the flour and water, making it into a smooth dough. It was a bit like making a bread dough, really, except for some slight differences. Then the rather detailed rolling techniques were explained to us and we got down to it.

Naturally, being a foreigner, I did it wrong and several times I was unceremoniously shoved aside by the old woman to correct my botched work. It was funny to see her, in her element in the kitchen, pushing everyone off the tables to fix their lack lustre doughs. She was a force of nature, bustling around, kneading and brandishing her rolling pin, ready to even out the merest crinkle in an unsuspecting amateur's dough. She was deft with a knife too, we discovered, as she cut the soba to perfect thickness in a matter of milliseconds.

Aftwerwards, we got to eat our freshly made soba. In the adjacent restaurant, they cook it for you and serve it up right there and then. So within a 2 hour period, we transformed some flour into noodles, had it cooked for us and then we fed it into our ravenous bellies. It was as fresh as it gets. And the weather is still perfect.

That's it for now.Until the next instalment...

October in Himi

2006-10-23T16:39:00.000+09:00

Ok, let's get right down to it, I've got plenty to purge. What happened here in October? Well...

Beatles Gig: In honour of John Lennon's birthday, an all-day music festival was held at a ski slope in Toyama prefecture recently. I was asked by a friend to play some guitar and I duly accepted. It turned out to be a good day. There was no snow, of course; it's too early for that. But the sun was out, the grass was green, the beer was flowing, hippies danced, lots of bands belted out their favourite tunes and so did we (pictured above). That makes 2 gigs in 2 weeks, I'm on a role!

Enkai in Takaoka: After watching a rather dreary demonstration lesson, I attended the annual "Himi Teachers Enkai", a typical feed and booze up, or so I thought. Unfortunately, all the teachers had to make tests for the next day so nobody drank, except us debauched foreigners, of course. My overriding memory of the evening is dropping somewhat of a clanger by explaining (pie-eyed) that people in England don't just say "cheers" when toasting with a drink. They also say "chin chin", I sincerely pointed out. I carried on by spelling out to the Japanese contingent that since "chin chin" means penis in Japanese, that it would be a mistake to make a toast and say chin chin if you live in Japan. Like they didn't realise that you don't shout "Penis!" when you propose a toast. Oh well, that's what they get for not drinking.

Vicky's Party: Alas I took no pictures of this fun evening, but a combination of nice food, interesting drinking games, good magic tricks and a stint in the legendary Wyatt made this worthy of mention.

I won the bet! When we went camping last month, I announced my intention to quit smoking. Mr Sushi immediately challenged me to a bet. If I could go a month without smoking, he would make me unlimited Gyoza (Chinese style dumplings). If I lost, I would take him out for a slap-up meal and pick up the tab. I accepted, and I'm delighted to announce that, one month later, I filled my belly to bursting point with succulent gyoza. Let the no smoking continue...

Back to Kyudo: After a ridiculously long absence from archery, I made a sheepish appearance at the hall. Expecting a swift blow to the gut from the stocky teacher, I was somewhat relieved to find that he wasn't there. I got practicing and I found that it all came flooding back. It was a little scary shooting the arrow at the real target after such a long hiatus, but eventually I managed it. Gotta keep going there.

X-mas Holidays: I've just booked my tickets! I'll be going home to Ireland for 2 and a half weeks in December. Ah, The Emerald Isle - it's been a while, my old friend. By the way, I'll also be in London for 3 days - I can almost taste that cheap Wetherspoons lager already. Get in touch if you'll be in London between December 16th and19th.

School Festival: I made another musical appearance yesterday. This time it was at one of my school's annual festivals. I played one tune on my own and then one with the school's (well-known) brass band. I thought it was pretty cool. Until, that is, someone told me afterwards that they couldn't see me because I was sitting down when I played with the brass band. And they couldn't hear me either because the brass instruments were so loud. I wasted a whole Saturday practicing with them! And for all anyone knew, I wasn't even there. Well, at least the teachers knew I was there. And I have a day off today (Monday) in lieu of yesterday. So, it doesn't matter a shit!

The weather: Amazing, the rain and cold haven't arrived yet. Last year at this time was utterly miserable. This autumn has been absolutely splendid, weather wise. Long may it last.

Yaki-Imo: This is an autumn event in the school calendar in Japan. One of my schools grow sweet potatoes in their grounds. Every autumn, they collect these potatoes and then gather up all the fallen leaves from the cherry blossom trees. They make a bonfire, put the spuds in foil and stick them in the fire. Then everyone plays some bizarre game where you hop around on one leg. Half an hour later, you all eat delicious sweet potatoes together. It sounds a bit cheesy, but this event was actually very cool. Very very autumnal, that's the only way I can describe it.

And so that's it for now. Apologies for the delay, although this is nothing new of late. I will endeavor to update more often now that my readership has grown to 4 people! I can make it to 10, I think...

The Offending Article

2006-10-08T21:03:00.000+09:00

My blog posts seem to be becoming fewer and fewer as the months slide by. I'm not quite sure why that is. Perhaps it's because I've been experiencing a rather heavy fatigue lately. I suppose I have been quite busy. Anyway, no point in dwelling on it.

I forgot to mention a recent episode which ties in with some of my other blog entries. I can't believe I forgot it, actually, but I am getting on in years so it's not that surprising. Remember the man who tried to set me up with his daughter? The guy whose book I stole? See these posts for background information on this guy:
( http://theuncannyvalley.blogspot.com/2006/01/modest-proposal.html ) and
( http://theuncannyvalley.blogspot.com/2006/03/trials-of-it.html ) ,.
Well, at the recent speech contest, the same guy turned up. As it happens, he is a leading member of the organisation that staged the speech contest. As I was a judge, we were fated to meet. The day before the event, we had a preliminary meeting, and I was trying to think of what the hell I was going to say to him. I mean, I still have his book! When I finally did meet him, we exchanged some small talk and then he got down to business:

He said: "Ian, did you lose my book?". Here, I made my first error. For a split-second, I thought he had said, "Ian, do you have my book?". And so I answered "Yes". He looked horrified and I immediately corrected myself. "Sorry, I mean I have your book. I will bring it to you tomorrow". Actually, I had every intention of bringing it. I'll finally bury this dirty book business, I told myself. I'm going to free my conscience, I thought. So what did I do the next day? Yes, I FORGOT THE F*CKING BOOK. After the contest, I made for the door at speed but I saw him RUNNING after me and he was on me in a flash. We've all seen Terminator 2, right? That's kinda what it was like.

The man whose book I stole: "Did you bring my book?"
The thief: "I'm really sorry, but I forgot it. I'm very sorry. I'll..."
The man: "Here's my card. Let's meet and have a chat. You can bring the book."
The thief: "Ok, I.."
The man: "Goodbye"

He was not a happy man. I still have his book. I've had his book for a year. This book is something I want to get rid of. I've had it with this book. And to be honest, it's not even a good book. It's actually a shit book. So, what the hell am I doing with this clown's book? Why do I still have it? I vow from this day on to return the goods I borrow in good speed. Yes, I will change. Dammit, I will find a way to get this man's book back to him.

With that resolution, I will sign off. I'm playing another gig tomorrow, so I'll have a quick update on the way. Stay tuned...

September Update

2006-09-25T18:13:00.000+09:00

Well, it's been a couple of weeks since my last confession, so rather than run the risk of dwindling my already scant readership through inactivity, I will now outline the memorable moments of my September in Japan. I will add, though, that I am somewhat tired today, possibly making this post a rather insipid affair. But if the words herein fail to raise your raisins (so to speak) perhaps the photographs will keep you tuned in. Onwards and overwards we go:

Sports Day: a veritable institution in Japan. This annual event is a chance for the students to take a break from their hectic schedule, run some races and do some good old fashioned cheering for their collective teams. They do take it pretty seriously, though. This is particularly apparently in the opening ceremony when they all march in unison to a military beat and even raise their right arm in salutation. Remind you of anything? Anyway, it was an average day out for me.

Camping: 10 of us set sail (in a car) for Gifu prefecture over a recent bank holiday weekend in Japan. We armed ourselves with 3 sleeping tents, 1 large marquee style tent, lots of food to barbecue, a crate of beer and miscellaneous alcohol. I'm not an experienced camper by any means, but this didn't stop me from thoroughly enjoying this. The weather wasn't ideal, but the rain held off for the most part. Best of all, there was an on-site Onsen! Now I know I've banged on about how great Onsen are in the past, but I have to say it again. They are a sensation. This particular hot spring was about a 1 minute walk from our tents, and it was an outdoor one. The fresh water was bubbling up from the volcano simmering just below the surface of the mountain. Nice! Here's a picture of me concentrating 110% on getting some beef cooked just right:

My First Solo Gig: I’ve put in my hours on stage over the years, nobody can take that away from me. But it’s always been in a band or some group situation. And I’ve rarely sung, apart from the very occasional backing vocals. Nevertheless, I had been thinking recently that it was time to break that particular seal. So when a local barman offered me a gig and said “I can only pay you in beer”, what choice had I but to accept? It turned out ok, as it happens. Here’s me in action, prostituting myself for lager.

Also, Happy Birthday to Abbie!

That’s it for the moment. All comments welcome …

A Good Man Down

2006-09-04T16:09:00.000+09:00

ANOTHER TRIBUTE: STEVE IRWIN

Sadly, this crazy and bizarre man has been struck down prematurely. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5311298.stm)
I, for one, will miss his insane antics.

Tezukuri Pizza

2006-08-30T17:32:00.000+09:00

This should certainly have been included in August's highlights. Yet again, Himi's premiere sushi chef, in usual intrepid style, waded into deep and delicious waters of Western cuisine, this time producing an entirely hand made pizza from scratch, complete with fresh basil. This is nothing to be sniffed at in Japan, a country not at all famous for its pizza-making aptitude. In fact, this was the best pizza I've had since I got here. Truly an oven-baked delight, with the melted and bronzed mozzarella bubbling over the fresh toppings. A dash of Tabasco always helps this kind of thing along, although lately I've been opting for the milder green Jalapeno Tabasco, perhaps an indication that my taste buds have been somewhat Japan-ified, resulting in an intolerance of hot and spicy foodstuffs. Whatever the case, full marks go to Mr Sushi for his high motivation and deft skills in the kitchen. If only I had an oven...

The Blur of August

2006-08-29T20:25:00.000+09:00

Sincere apologies to the one and a half readers who regularly check my blog for updates. You may have noticed a slight paucity of new information recently, a failure which I intend to redress with the utmost of haste. August has flown by in a blur of humidity and summer events. It has been rather busy, and exceedingly hot (as a considerably sweaty Mr Kipling might remark), and so this will be today's meagre excuse for neglecting to apprise you-and-a-half of my goings-on in Nippon these past weeks. Although nothing special, allow me to proffer the aforementioned missing details, as follows:

Cooking at School: whose idea this was is known to nobody, but on the hottest day of August (I think) I and 3 other foreign teachers piled into the sizzling kitchens of Nanbu Junior Highschool to pay heed to the correct method of cooking Japanese dishes. The Japanese teachers ably demonstrated how to whip up a tasty meal in no time at all. We could have done without the exorbitant humidity rates that day; everyone seemed on the point of fainting.

Pot Luck Party: the sequel to the Cheese and Wine series of parties also held in my apartment. The idea is that everyone brings their own food and thus you get to select your grub from somewhat of a smorgasbord, and perhaps that's the first time I've ever used that word in writing. The food was actually very impressive, contrary to what this picture (left) depicts, as it was taken when half the food had been demolished.

Himi Beach Party: I was only at this for a few hours, but it was nonetheless good to hang out on the beach and have a few beers. I managed to catch up with a few old friends while I was at it.

Random Picture of Me: Whilst idling in Wyatt one late evening, someone suggested I try on their trendy spectacles. Always one for trying out new and crazy things such as wearing glasses, I decided to give it a go. Quickly, everyone decided they made me look like, and I quote, "a paedophile". I took them off. (Apologies for the low quality of the picture, it was very dark)

English Speech Contest: The students once again took part in the annual battle to overwhelm the nigh insurmountable odds and deliver a well-intoned oral presentation in the devil's tongue. This year's entries were a little disappointing, having witnessed the previous year's impressive candidates. Interestingly, we (the judges) had to teach the kids an English song, as part of the event. You haven't lived until you've heard a flock of Japanese teenagers trying to get their teeth around "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" by the Flaming Lips. Most disappointing of all was the thank-you present I received for being a judge. It was a big box that said "CAKE" on the paper. I rushed home in a frenzy of drool, fighting the urge to rip open the box there and then, and plunge my face into the whipped cream. However, when I finally did open the box, there was no cake, only hard Japanese rice crackers. Why the hell did they have "CAKE" written on the box??

Music Festival: Have you ever heard of "Sukiyaki Meets the World" ? I hadn't, but I was pleasantly surprised at this Japanese take on the music festival. There were no muddy fields and there was a shortage of hippies, but nonetheless it was an enjoyable day. The music was heavy on traditional drumming, although there was some decent folk music and a rather eye-catching belly dance routine.

And that about wraps it up, really. Of course there was the usual boozing, and it's a good time to do it, since school is so quiet at the moment. Classes don't start until next week. And I've got 2 enkai parties coming, almost back to back, sandwiching the school's Sports Day, which I intend to detail in my next blog post. So, keep reading, damn you...

An Even Shorter Tribute to:

2006-08-16T22:00:00.000+09:00

FRISK: the answer to Japan's halitosis problems! When a 50-a-day cigarette swilling teacher is leaning close over you in an attempt to create a "let's enjoy lesson plan" for English class ( and in case you're not aware of the "lets -" phenomenon, I refer you to Justus's blog: http://curdlethesky.livejournal.com/28124.html)... where was I? Yes, when this noxious oral odour hits you, you'll most likely perceive something akin to an outer-body experience. Such is the putrid and malignant nature of this deviant scent that it leads one to ponder over the solutions. And there is one! But, do those who need it most have any inkling that their abominable dental hygiene needs a little tinkering with? You guessed it, they have no idea.

And now for something completely different: a random picture of a recent Himi dawn. Sharpens you up...

A Short Tribute to:

2006-08-07T22:54:00.000+09:00

NICK DRAKE

I thought I'd write a few lines about this talented musician/singer/songwriter who sadly shuffled off the mortal coil in 1974 at the tender age of 26. Certainly an important influence in my own guitar education, his music still holds a unique power. I've been listening to it more and more recently, and enjoying it all over again, hence this post. If you're not familiar with his music, I'd highly recommend downloading (legally, of course) the album Pink Moon for starters. It's good summer music, I think, although not everyone would agree that, I suppose. Anyway, if that peaks your interest, you can check out http://www.nickdrake.com/ for more information and links. That's it for today...

Grapes, Heat and Meat

2006-08-07T22:11:00.000+09:00

Despite the rather suggestive title, there is nothing racy at all to be found in this post. I may as well not read on, you might find yourself thinking, but stick with it, it won't take long. Last weekend was enjoyably spent over a variety of events. First up was:

Friday: Sleeping. Perhaps unworthy of either bold print or italics, nonetheless this activity was most necessary after a long week of study and being fried gradually in the cauldron of Japan's sizzling summer.

Saturday: Beer Garden. In honour of the newly arrived dozens of foreign teachers to Japan, this annual drink-all-you-can shindig was good fun. We ended up in an Irish bar afterwards and the owner told me that in the 5 years the place had been open, I was the first Irish person to actually have been there. I wondered whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Sunday am: Grape Picking. Arising at 8:30 with a moderate but manageable hangover, I soon found myself in the unlikely location of a Japanese vineyard (pictured above). Paying a mere 1000 yen for all-you-eat-grapes, we picked, then chilled, then gobbled our way through bucket loads of sweet and delicious grapes. Grapes are actually very expensive over here, so this was a nice little stop off. It was pleasant in its very unusualness.

Sunday pm: Beach barbecue. A classic summer activity, I'm sure you'll agree. This tried and tested method yet again delivered the goods. Good food, chilled beer, warm weather ( a little too warm), the sea close by with its cool breeze and plenty of people just makes a winning formula every time. This was pleasant all the way, nothing too crazy, just a very relaxing way to let the hours drift by on a balmy Sunday afternoon/evening.

I'm back at work, although school doesn't kick in for another few weeks. I've now officially started my second year here in Japan. It seems like only yesterday I boarded a plane bound for the big smoke of Tokyo. Doesn't time fly...

Now I've Done It

2006-08-04T18:43:00.000+09:00

Ok, I think I overdid it with my studies in Osaka. I was doing so well (or so I thought). I did my homework every day. I wrote compositions in Japanese. I did the Listening Comprehensions and any other tasks they set me. My brain became clean with study. I was mentally tired, of course, but I thought I could recover. But on the morning of the last day, I woke up, looked in the mirror and saw a hideous visage peering back at me (pictured above). Yes, my Japanese is better, but my face has been ruined forever. Let this be a lesson to you all. Don't study anything, don't work hard. Take life as it comes and hope for the best. Kick back and relax. Grow fat on leisure. And always speak in your mother tongue. Otherwise, you'll end up looking like me (above). Do you really want that? Pray for my recovery, friends...

Osaka - report 2

2006-07-30T23:11:00.000+09:00

It's been a week of rediscovery for me, you might say. I think I finally found the knack of studying properly again. This is a skill that has lain dormant since I graduated (many moons ago) and one I had suspected to have actually vanished. So I was pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying the study. Listening to Japanese in class all day is definitely having an effect. I think I've already picked up quite a lot in the one week I've been down here. It's a little intimidating at times when I'm asked to deliver an opinion in Japanese on some social issue or other difficult matters, but I've stumbled through it. Really, I'd have to say the course is very professional. So, it beats being in the office doing nothing. Not to mention the fortunate coincidence of having being able to meet two of my old buddies from home who came to Osaka for a few days. Greetings to you again, Sully and Seany, good to see you.

Better hit the books, I have an oral presentation tomorrow. I have to speak for 5 minutes in Japanese about the problems of the education system in Ireland. I'm not even sure I can do that in English. More to come...

Osaka - report 1

2006-07-24T17:29:00.000+09:00

I've just finished my first day on this Japanese course I'm doing at the Kansai Language Institute in Osaka. As expected, the level is a bit scary. Everything is conducted in Japanese, from the tour of the building to explanations of the course materials, right down to the textbook itself. Many of the other people on the same course seem to have been in Japan for 2 years already, so their linguistic abilities seem to be very high. We all had to do a placement test this afternoon for the purposes of diving the 48-strong group into 6 smaller classes. The test was slightly depressing, in that it reminded me of how much Japanese I don't know, but that's a good thing, I suppose.

The actual building is amazing. It's like a classy hotel. There's a gym, tennis courts, libraries, laundry rooms, kitchens, cafeterias, a karaoke room (kitted out with guitars and pianos), a nice shop and lots of other cool stuff. My room has everything I need and is very comfortable. The whole place exudes an air of money. I get the impression that without the JET Program (who are picking up the tab), this is one college I wouldn't be able to afford to come to. So then, so far so good. All I need to do is be a good boy, study hard, do my homework etc etc. Is that possible? Well, it's been a while since I was at university, but they say it's like riding a bike. Then again, my university years weren't exactly the most sober I've ever had...

Back from Thailand

2006-07-21T14:40:00.000+09:00

Yes, I've returned from my travels. My relaxing sojourn in Thailand has come to an end, alas. What was it like? Well, before I left, I had written a fantastic theoretical itinerary to see everything I wanted to see. As soon as I arrived, I had to throw that itinerary out the window because of the incredible HEAT there. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't deal with hot weather well, but this was heat on a new level. It was 30 degrees at night and I dread to think about the daytime temperature. Add to that the 100% humidity and you'll get an idea of how torrid the place was. Nevertheless, having adjusted my tactics, I proceeded to check out Bangkok.
Food: Thai food is incredible. The real thing is nothing like I've tasted before. The heavy handed spiciness took a little getting used to, but the variety and flavours were truly an eye-opener.
Temples: Very impressive. I know nothing of architecture and still found the sheer spectacle of some of these temples fascinating.
People: I was worried about being ripped off or scammed, but in general the Thai people were very friendly. Of course there were dozens of annoying taxi drivers and pimps who persistently tried to peddle their wares, but dismissing them with equal rudeness allowed me to get on with the trip.
Downsides: Bangkok is a pretty dirty place, and the smell of excrement in certain parts of the city was too much to take. I went to the Chatuchak market, an amazing and massive weekend market, but I had to leave after 2 hours because the smell was so repulsive. I mean, who wants to eat at the food stalls when the literal smell of shit hangs heavy in air? Not I.
Highlights: Ko Samui, an island in the south is beautiful. I went elephant trekking there, as well as taking a short course in Thai cookery, checking out monkey training, rubber tapping etc etc. It was even cheaper than Bangkok, and again, the food was great.

Although I promised to post pictures, it's going to have to wait, I'm afraid. I'm off to Osaka tomorrow. I'm doing an intensive 10 day course in Japanese. Better hit the books...

Travel Update 3

2006-07-07T15:55:00.000+09:00

Today I set off for the scorching shores of Thailand. I plan on spending a very relaxing 10 days there, although I do want to squeeze in as many interesting things as possible. I'm splitting my time between Bangkok and the islands. I've been primed on all the scams and ingenious methods to steal valuables from unsuspecting tourists. I think I'm prepared. That's probably what everyone thinks, I guess. We'll see. I'll post a detailed report and some pictures upon my return to Nippon...

Travel Crisis Update 2

2006-07-03T21:10:00.000+09:00

Just call me Mr. I-got-a-new-passport-in-one-week, please. Yes, it arrived today. Of course I feel very important having been issued a green Emergency Passport. It can only mean I'm an extremely important foreigner whose services are of such extraordinary utility that heads rolled and dozens of hours of overtime were pulled to in order to furnish me with the necessary tools to go and eat hot curries in Thailand. I had my doubts, to be honest. I even considered offering extra money to expedite my cause. But one doesn't bribe one's own embassy, I suppose. Not that it was necessary. The good folk at the Irish Embassy in Tokyo willingly agreed to forego their usual Friday glut of after-work Guinness in favour of handcrafting a splendid new ticket to the world (pictured) and delivering it with the utmost haste to my very door. RELIEF...

Travel Crisis Update 1

2006-06-30T19:39:00.000+09:00

After many frantic calls to the Irish Embassy in Tokyo, they've agreed to issue me an emergency passport. I've submitted the documents, they've received them. I have 1 week before I start to lose money on cancellations, but in order to get the new passport, it has to be issued from Dublin. So it's got to go from Tokyo to Dublin, be processed, be sent back to Tokyo and then to me. Can this be done in 1 week? I'm putting my faith in the Irish postal system to not let me down. I await nervously...

Noooooooooooooo !

2006-06-26T17:28:00.000+09:00

The holiday I booked in Thailand is in jeopardy!! I'm due to fly on Saturday next week, but my travel agent just rang and told me I might be REFUSED ENTRY to Thailand because my passport will expire in December. ????? Why didn't you tell me that BEFORE I paid all the money for the flights. BEFORE I bought expensive train tickets. BEFORE I booked my holidays at work. Noooooooooooo!!!!
The Irish Embassy are going to try to issue me an emergency passport, but they said they can't guarantee they can do it in 10 days. Help. STRESS.................

Dogs

2006-06-21T17:04:00.000+09:00

(Is there anything they can't do?)
This is a story from the BBC News Website today.

A US dog has won an award for saving her owner's life by dialing a phone number that alerted emergency services to her owner's diabetic seizure.
Belle the beagle triggered a call to an ambulance crew by biting on her owner, Kevin Weaver's, mobile phone.
The dog was trained to detect potential diabetic attacks by licking and sniffing Mr Weaver's nose to check his blood sugar levels and pawing him.
Belle resorted to dialing for help when Mr Weaver fell unconscious.
The dog used her teeth to press the number nine key, which the phone was programmed to interpret as a "911" call to emergency services.
Ambulance workers answered the phone and, hearing nothing but barking at the end of the line, rushed to the caller's house in the city of Ocoee in Florida state.
The dog is the first animal to receive the Vita Wireless Samaritan Award.
"I am convinced that if Belle wasn't with me that morning, I wouldn't be alive today," Mr Weaver said.
"Belle is more than just a life-saver. She's my best friend."

Allow me the pleasure of re-quoting my favourite part of that story: "Ambulance workers answered the phone and, hearing nothing but barking at the end of the line, rushed to the caller's house." I do love dogs. There's just something about them, isn't there...

This and That

2006-06-15T18:42:00.000+09:00

Life: It's been eerily quiet since I returned from Tokyo. My threadbare wallet boasts no extra bills for the potential to have good times, so I'm being very sensible (boring) by taking it easy (kinda). I'm almost embarrassed to admit that the most interesting moment of the week was when I baked a Banana and Walnut Cake. And damn it, it was delicious.

Travel: I'm off to Thailand for 10 days next month. It's all booked and I'm bursting to go. Does anyone have any advice for the first time visitor to Bangkok and the islands? No obvious jokes about ladyboys, please.

Soccer: Japan's loss in their opening game in the World Cup proved to be a sickening blow to the fans here. Earlier that day, all the male students in school were delirious with anticipation, telling me how "strong" Japan were. They were ready to open a can of whoop-ass on the Ozzies, by all accounts. It didn't happen. I saw a lot of sad faces the following day.

Radish: I may have mentioned this before, but believe it or not there is a famous radish in Japan, called Dokonjo Daikon (pictured left), which grabbed the media spotlight a while back for its having burst through a concrete pavement on its way to adulthood. The name means "the radish with fighting spirit". Alas, its head and leaves were hacked off by spiteful vandals, leading to open public weeping in Japan (I kid you not). The vandals, racked with guilt at their crime, replaced the severed tip of the vegetable a few days later. The radish was promptly transported to a high tech botanical facility which has since been trying to resuscitate the ailing herbage. Several attempts to re-attach the top have failed. This is all true, in case you think I'm making it up. I was told today, although I hesitate to add that this has not been confirmed, that Dokonjo Daikon has been officially declared a lost cause. It is headless. No more attempts at revival will be made.

All in all, a pretty bad week for the Japanese, I'd say...

Tokyo

2006-06-08T20:32:00.000+09:00

I'm just back from a 5 day trip to Tokyo. I did have to attend a conference for work, but there was plenty of time to sample the diversity of the city. Here's a summarized version:

Friday: to save on expenses, I took the overnight bus to Tokyo, a 6 hour journey, arriving at 5.30 am. 2 hours sleep.
Saturday (morning): went directly to Nikko, a 2 hour train ride outside Tokyo, to see a famous complex of old temples. This was actually very impressive. I couldn't quite believe the detail built into every inch of these massive temples. This place has a genuinely ancient feel to it and I even saw a traditional Japanese wedding in one of the temples.
Saturday (evening): Roppongi. R for Roppongi, R for Rubbish, R for Rip-Off, and R for Refrain from going here for a night out unless you're R for Ridiculously Rich. 6 hours sleep
Sunday (morning/afternoon): I had to check out the supremely weird style of the Harajuku youth. If you've never heard of Harajuku, have a look at this - http://www.hispic-cafe.com/harajuku/e-index.html . And it was indeed an eye-opener. I find this aspect of Japanese youth culture really interesting, perhaps because of its mystery. Where do they get these ideas?
Sunday (evening): Sunday's highlight was undoubtedly Alcatraz ER, a ridiculous theme restaurant which is modelled on the prison Alcatraz. The tables were in actual prison cells! The staff were all dressed in hospital clothing and at 8pm, the lights went off for "Showtime". Just as a creepy Japanese voice was announcing that a perpetrator of "mental crime" was on the loose in the prison, a mask-wearing crazyman burst into our cell, wielding a fake gun. All of a sudden, the prison was awash with mental criminals. They even grabbed someone, pinned him to a stretcher and did some unmentionable things to him with oversized novelty syringes. Don't worry, kids, it was all part of the act. What a place, I highly recommend this.
Monday (afternoon): Work begins. Mandatory attendance at a JET Program Conference, lasting from Monday to Wednesday. The less said the better.
Monday (evening): against my protests, the group of people I was with insisted on us going to an Irish bar. I didn't like the idea of being in such a vibrant and varied city, providing little tastes of all the world has to offer, but instead going to an Irish pub. It was fairly authentic, to be fair, but not exactly what I was aiming at.
Tuesday (evening): following a splendid Thai meal, we took to the bars of Tokyo. Another night of banter ensued. Interestingly, we were sort of thrown out of a bar in Shinjuku. Or at least I think we were anyway. The waiter suddenly produced our bill, eventhough nobody had asked for it. We were being a bit loud, so we took it to mean "Get out". I've never before been in a bar and not been sure whether I was being thrown out or not. There you go, even the folk in the big smoke here are courteous.
Wednesday: the conference finishes and the trek back to the countryside begins. Sigh...

Rice Planting

2006-05-29T17:38:00.000+09:00

Last Saturday I took to the fields of Himi to fulfill my long-neglected passion for farming. Surprised? You should be, because actually I have no interest whatsoever in farming. Nonetheless, I did want to experience the sights, sounds and smells of a traditional day of toil in the rice paddies. Again, I'm not sure why.

Well, I donned the knee high boots and rice holder. I watched as the farmer explained what to do. I waded apprehensively into the deep mud and began planting the rice. The sun beat down on my neck. My back hunched over in attempted labour. My line of rice began to stray from the straight and narrow. 15 minutes later, I had had enough. I completed my line, exited the swamp, ate some peanuts and vowed never to be rice farmer.

Afterwards I was rewarded with a simple but delicious lunch, after which I retired to the onsen to invigorate my spent body after the intensive trials of the morning. To be fair, I did actually enjoy the rice planting. I just don't think I could do it for very long. So those old dudes in the swamp will always have my respect, that's for sure....

Random Update

2006-05-29T17:26:00.000+09:00

I happen to know that Japan is home to the world's largest hornet, The Asian Giant Hornet. As a man with a mild phobia of stinging insects, this strikes fear into the very valves of my heart. Luckily, that is totally unrelated to my intended subject matter today.
I have seen a freakishly large apple. Can you say that you have? I want to prove it. So here are some snaps of my friends being dwarfed by this fruity behemoth.

"I Like ~"

2006-05-28T12:52:00.000+09:00

Teaching elementary school kids is a double edged sword. On the one hand, they're noisy, uncontrollable rascals whose incessant shouting can be enough to make you consider putting a gun to your head. On the other hand, they're so full of beans that their energy can rub off on you and you may find yourself genuinely enjoying their company. For me, it tends to swing back and forth, but last Friday, I was reduced to belly laughter in class by a particularly precocious bunch of 3rd graders, 9 or 10 year olds. Here are two highlights.

Even before the class started, they were asking me all sorts of bizarre questions. A lot of kids that age here in Himi have never even seen foreigners before and they are generally fascinated by the fact that I have green eyes. One boy, staring intently at my alien green eyes, asked in all seriousness, "Unko mo midori?" (Is your shit green too?). Yes it is, I told him (I couldn't resist). He was dumbfounded. During the class, I was introducing them to "I like ~", where they say "I like apples" or "I like bananas". In turn, they all dutifully spoke their favourite fruits. One kid, when it was his turn, stood up confidently and in a loud voice proclaimed in English, "I LOVE BEER!". He promptly sat down again. His grammar and pronunciation were perfect. And it didn't appear to be a joke. He wasn't laughing. Nor were the class (they possible didn't understand). It would appear that beer in Japan is a very serious matter. In fact, much of my own research in this field would confirm that conclusion. Anyway, that was my last class before the weekend. A good way to kick it off...

Lame Update

2006-05-25T23:09:00.000+09:00

Well, yet again it seems I've failed to keep my 1 or 2 readers apprised of the latest events in my Japanese adventure. Perhaps my recent culinary mishap(s) took the wind out of my literary sails, as it were. Or perhaps I'm merely a lazy creature who couldn't be bothered. We'll never know. However, I suppose I can offer a few snippets.

Takayama: this is nice town huddled beneath the arms of a beautiful mountain range a few hours drive from Himi. I went on a day trip with some friends and it made for a pleasant time. The local beef specialty was indeed succulent, juicy, soft and bursting with flavour. I then proceeded to grill my own Senbei (rice cracker), for which I was generously awarded a C-grade by my instructor. It even tasted ok afterwards, the biggest surprise of the day. Afterwards, we went to a "wild" hot spring, ie an outdoor pool of hot spring water next to a river. It was strange that right across the river from this area of outdoor nudity were houses, in plain view. Nonetheless, as usual the hot spring delivered the goods, in the form of a supreme sense of well being and soft skin to boot.

Japanese Language: I've recently completed a correspondence Japanese course, which entitled me to apply for a further special course in July. Only 50 people in Japan get on it, so the chances are extremely slim. Nonetheless, you never know...

Teaching: today I was saddled with the unenviable task of teaching basic English greetings to 115 ten-year old kids. And I don't mean 115 in total throughout the day. I mean at the same time. This was clearly a poor idea on the part of the school, but they were oblivious to any reasonable objections. It made for an interesting, if not extremely and unbearably noisy experience. I can still hear the kids' shrill wails of incomprehension upon perceiving the difficulty of ENGLISH. Ahhhhhhh.

Miscellaneous: part of the reason for beginning this blog was to counteract my incompetence at emailing friends regularly. I think this has worked, because people appear to know what I've been up to. Also, email news from friends to my inbox has gradually dwindled and finally hit critical mass. (That was a veiled reference to my desire for a few more emails from back home. I'll try to return the favour)

That's it for now. I'm going rice planting on Saturday, so I'll have more to talk about then. I might even go crazy and post a few pictures. Right on...

Today's School Lunch

2006-05-12T23:29:00.000+09:00

Previously, it had never occurred to me to write about the School Lunch here in Japan. However, today's abominable offerings are worthy of mention, I believe. Let me begin by defending the phenomenon of school lunch - I am usually so hungry that I scoff it down with relish. This staple usually consists of soup, a bowl of rice, and 1 more plate with some salad and a piece of fish. This is accompanied by a small carton of milk. There are variations, of course. It's never great, but it's often edible and it fills a hole.
Today was different. 95% of the staff and students were involved in a rehearsal for the school's sports day, coming up soon. The rehearsal was due to finish at 12:45. Inexplicably, the woman who dishes up the grub decided to serve my food at 12:00. Sounds great, right? Wrong. This particular school has a principal who is very insistent on everyone eating at EXACTLY the same time, and NEVER before HIM. So I waited. And waited. 12.15. 12.25. 12.30. My lunch is going cold. 12.40. 12.50. Sadly, it is 1pm before the staff start to filter in. The principal arrives, and eventually gives the go ahead. Ravenous, hoping it wasn't as bad as it looked, I tried it.

The rice was completely cold.
The soup was completely cold.
The fish was completely cold.
The milk had gone warm.

To be honest, the dodgy sausages that poisoned me tasted a hell of a lot better than the thoroughly disgusting fare described above. Was the poisoning worth it, I found myself wondering.

There you go, an insight into when School Lunch goes down the tubes. Not that incisive, I'll admit, but if you had to eat the glacial gourmet I was faced with today, you might be ranting too...

Poisoned !!

2006-05-09T21:46:00.000+09:00

That's right. Last Saturday, I was POISONED! Gasp... Who would do such a thing? What monster would stoop to such base levels to fulfill some undeserved quest for vengeance? Well, it was none other than Mother Nature, that criminal wench with a forehead villainous low. That hellbent sow delivered unto me an entity known as "Staph" (pictured below), a sneaky, conniving little bacteria that creates all manner of messy chaos within the secret chambers of your digestive tract. This particular bacteria, in an act of unparalleled audacity and malintent, entered my bloodstream as an imposter, posing as delicious chunks of pork sausage. It was only 6 hours later that my brain realised how utterly it had been duped. In a frenzy of panic, thinking only to eject this intruder known as "Staph", my brain decided to instantly jettison any and all traces of matter within my digestive system. The results are simply too repugnant to report, although I'm sure the reader will understand me when I say that I have rarely spent so much time in close proximity to a toilet bowl.

Luckily, I have made a full recovery from said food poisoning. It did curtail my "Golden Week", though, which was otherwise agreeably spent by: drinking with friends, having picnics on the beach, sleeping, watching movies etc etc. It was a week of two halves, you could say. Getting back to the sausages, once again the Japanese translation appeared to have mislaid some key information. For, after an English teacher explained my plight to the students in Japanese, several of the more sympathetic kids, perplexed, asked me after class, "Ian, why did you eat old sausages?". And that surely is a good question, isn't it? An excellent question, in fact...

April Update 2

2006-05-04T12:20:00.000+09:00

Ok, we're into May now, but I'll just add in a few bits and pieces from April.

New Staff Enkai : since I'm working at entirely new schools now, I was invited to another party. This time, I made a decision to try to do it "the Japanese way", that is to go around the room with a bottle of booze in your hand and pour some into each person's glass. It's customary to have a little chat to each person as you do this. Well, I dutifully made the rounds, respectfully saving the School Principal until last. He was quite drunk and uttering profuse gratitude for I'm not sure what. Then he switched to English and delivered an interesting statement. As his eyes rolled in different directions he slurred, "Ian, I hope you live in Himi..... FOREVER". It was a beautiful moment. Did he notice my fear? I couldn't tell.
Kyudo Tournament: Having been roped into helping out with preparations for Himi's annual kyudo (Japanese archery) tournament, I grudgingly arrived there on a Saturday morning. I'm usually not at my best on a Saturday morning, and I was somewhat embarrassed for not having been there for a long time. Perhaps the teacher will deliver stern words, I thought. Nothing of the sort happened. On a beautiful morning, with a golden sun beating down upon me, I watched 109 archers shoot 8 arrows each in a fast paced contest of pinpoint accuracy. It was quite a sight, actually. I didn't participate, but afterwards I wish I had. I'll be back, I told them.
Barber Update: most shocking of all recent events was my trip to the barber. Having received tonnes of fruity lollipops on all previous outings to this establishment, I was quite distressed to be given a big fat nothing. Zero. Zilch. No lollipops. Instead, a new sleazy barber with drool on his chin kept asking if I had a girlfriend. I felt betrayed. I knew this day would come, but nothing could have prepared me for that loss. I'll go one more time and give them a last chance. Watch this space.

That's about it for April. I'm resting now, because it's "Golden Week" here in Japan, that is, a week in which there are many consecutive national holidays. No work. Let me say it again. No work...

April update 1

2006-04-30T16:38:00.000+09:00

Well, it's been a little while since I updated the blog, so I've decided to give a quick run down on recent events in my life here. Let's start with Kyoto and Osaka;
I recently had a badly needed break away from Himi. The excessively long winter combined with working in a glut of new schools had left me feeling genuinely weary. There was only one thing for it: get out of town and see something different. I've been to Kyoto before, but there is something special about it, I think. The traditional Japanese stuff (temples, gardens etc) combined with the vibrant atmosphere of a modern city is somehow intoxicating. Some friends and I went to see a Geisha show in Gion Theatre. It was the kind of thing you just can't see anywhere else in the world. As a visual performance, it was pretty special (see picture)
The array of kimono, the traditional Japanese musical instruments, and the general ambiance was just what I needed. We spent the day wandering around Kyoto, taking in the temples and gardens, doing a bit of shopping. We followed this up with a delicious meal in a decent Chinese restaurant (I've been craving some Chinese food lately). And it would have been rude not to check out the local bars, of course.
I also visited Osaka quickly. I only had half a day there, but it was enough to get a feel for it. The people there have a really unique character. The sense of style there is incredible. It reminded me of London a little, in that it's quite a sprawling metropolis, with quite a diverse feel to it. All in all, a nice relaxing weekend. I would highly recommend Kyoto to anyone who's thinking about checking out a Japanese city.

One for the Irish

2006-04-30T16:33:00.000+09:00

This is a quick post for all the Irish readers out there. You probably won't find the humour in it unless you're a Paddy, but you never know. This is from a menu I spotted in an English theme bar in Kyoto last weekend. Somebody came up what they considered to be a good idea for a drink; The Black and Tan.

I had to chuckle...

"Gong Gong" Festival

2006-04-17T20:35:00.000+09:00

I just got back from Himi's first real festival of the year. The Gong Gong Matsuri. This particular festival is actually held as a kind of prayer for more rain, perhaps to do with rice harvesting (I'm not sure about that though). Also, one of festival characters is a giant doll who will hopefully bring good business in the future.

From this time of the year, festivals come thick and fast, but this first one was a treat. Maybe it's because the weather is a little warmer, and it's been a while since I've seen the festival stalls lining the streets. Either way, I was looking forward to it. So, it felt good to wander around and take in the colourful sights, the smells of sizzling food on grills, and the general bustle of a busy festival. The festival's name is derived from the competition held in which you bang a wooden log against a gong as many times as possible in 60 seconds. The winner gets lots of free food. The festival is held near some of Himi's temples and shrines. And it's on again tomorrow! Pics above...

Sushi Party !

2006-04-11T21:36:00.000+09:00

Actually, this was a friend's birthday celebration (Happy Birthday Vicky) but someone had the bright idea of leaving behind the humdrum birthday bash in favour of something more interesting. The sushi party was thus born. How does it work? You first make lots of different fillings, anything you like basically, and then roll it inside of some rice and seaweed. Then you eat as much as you can. I somehow get the feeling it's somewhat of a perversion of pure Japanese sushi, that pretty little packet of fishy goodness we all know, to instead stuff sausages and beef inside and then slather it in Worcester sauce. However, I'm no purist, so I cared not the least. Here's a staged picture of me looking popular with the ladies...
In other news, today I received an Easter Egg in the post! Thanks to the continuous support of sympathetic sweet lovers back home, I have been lucky enough to receive some delicious treats recently. It may sound strange that I'm so excited about an oval shaped piece of chocolate, but there's just nothing like it over here. It's a Cadbury's Fruit and Nut Egg, with nuggets of fruit and nut embedded within the lining of the egg. I'm drooling...

Spring

2006-04-09T11:18:00.000+09:00

Well, although snow was falling here in Himi very recently, Spring has (technically) arrived. Alas, it's still a bit cold here, but things are certainly turning. Very shortly, the famous cherry blossom trees will be in full bloom, and indeed the various festivals of Spring will begin from this week. I'm actually really looking forward to these events, after a lengthy winter of chilly cabin fever.

Last week, I learned a valuable lesson about just how far Japan is from home. I booked my summer leave and promptly informed everyone that I would be going home to Ireland for 2 weeks. I was very pleased at this prospect. Perhaps living in London gave me some bad habits; from London I could basically jump on a plane any time and get home within a few hours, usually for a reasonable price. The same does not apply here. After an intense period of scouring for good prices, I was forced to accept that the minimum I would have to pay to get home would be 1,500 Euros, and that was with the worst possible flight connections. So expensive! Seeing as I will be going back home next April for my sister's wedding, I had to abandon my plans for Ireland this summer. Disappointment...

What else. Let me see. I've been invited to various food parties. Tomorrow I will attend a Sushi party (pictures to follow) and then next week a Takoyaki party. I suppose you could translate this as "an Octopus ball party" in English, although that doesn't exactly sound appetizing, I imagine. Other food events include a planned picnic style afternoon in the park where (in theory) the beautiful cherry blossoms are abundant and in plain view. This is known as Hanami. I'd better frequent the gym to counteract all these culinary events.

Today I'm planning to return to my favourite barber. Watch this space for news on lollipops.

From tomorrow, the first school term begins. I'll be working at entirely different schools, a somewhat unsettling prospect. Yes it will be interesting to meet all the new people, but on the other hand I had developed a good relationship with my previous students. It has a ring of back to square 1 about it, but I'm sure it will turn out fine. Also, my new schools are all closer to home. No more 45 minute bike rides at 7.30 am. I almost feel spoiled...

Nothing to Report

2006-03-31T21:58:00.000+09:00

This was a very quiet week. I have nothing of consequence to write about. It's spring break at school, so there are no classes.

I met my new boss this week. He seems like a nice chap, and he did a strange dance when we gave him a welcome cake. He seems to like cake a lot.

I'm NOT drinking this weekend. I've decided to trade my unhealthy ways for sports and exercise. I'm booked up for the weekend with badminton. Let's see how long this good intention lasts.

Unbelievably, it began snowing again this week and it turned very cold. It has been snowing on and off since November. Tomorrow is the first of April. That's a lot of snow.

Life in Himi rolls on...

The trials of it.

2006-03-24T19:35:00.000+09:00

Today's blog entry is unfortunately another account of the toils of the hungover, myself in particular. I am well aware that this blog appears to contain many references to alcohol, and therefore I believe I am running certain risks. For there is nothing more tedious than listening to an obtuse braggart as he recounts tale after tale of beer-fuelled antics. With this in mind, I will move on.

Yesterday's enkai was a typical episode of traditional Japanese food and all-you-can-drink alcohol. Enjoyable as it was, I made the critical error of drinking until 3.30am on a weekday. I rose at 7am this morning, wrenching myself from a delicious slumber and aiming for my bicycle. I'm ashamed to admit that the 45 minute bike ride to work was not exactly a sober one. No doubt my mother, who reads this blog, will be horrified (don't worry, dear mother, I only crashed twice). At school, I compounded my ill-judgement by forgetting the piece of paper on which I had written my farewell speech in Japanese. So at 8.26 am, as my contused brain was cowering inside my head, I was called upon to address my colleagues in Japanese and express my gratitude, admiration etc. I did my best, but I suspect the group was wondering just what the hell the bleary eyed foreign tramp who reeked of whiskey was actually saying. Thankfully, as I had been told about this speech in advance, my nerves just about held together.

Shortly afterward, at the closing ceremony, I was again called upon, this time before the entire school, to address the students, again in Japanese. I was taken by complete surprise. I considered the possibility that it was a treacherous plot to publicly humiliate me, but I quickly realized how self-indulgent and outlandish that was. So I took to the stage and told the students something or other. I kept it short (but not sweet). Later, I was told by a teacher that they "preferred my first speech". In Japanese culture, this means "your second speech was a bucket of shit, what were you thinking??". Nevertheless, I survived and had no classes, allowing time for a partial recovery.

After I finished today and had said my farewells, I set off home confident that the worst was behind me. I found myself thinking about the man whose book I still had not returned (for details see this post: http://theuncannyvalley.blogspot.com/2006/01/modest-proposal.html ) because he happens to live near the school I was at today. I was wondering if in fact I would ever give the book back back to him, seeing as I wouldn't be going that way anymore. So when I came around the corner and saw him picking his nose at the side of the road, I was rather surprised, to say the least. I haven't seen the guy once since that first encounter, and he chooses my very last day at school to happen to stop and pick his nose as I passed! What are the odds?

Initially, he didn't see me. I desperately wanted to blaze past in a whirl of dust, thus avoiding him completely. But just as I was girding myself for a burst of acceleration, he turned my way and spotted me. I saw upon his face, in this order: recognition, recollection, suspicion, determination. He flagged me down. He smiled a polite but disgruntled smile. I decided that my only escape was to confuse him and move on as quickly as courtesy permitted. So I began apologizing for not returning his book. I feigned genuine concern and began to speak very quickly and use difficult English words. Faster and faster. Longer words, complex grammar, metaphors, allegories, the works. 40 seconds in and I was babbling excitedly and totally incoherently and he was dumbfounded. Seeing the utterly baffled expression on his face, I seized my opportunity and made a hasty excuse. I had to parry his blurted "I want to meet you often" with a quick "By the way, how is your daughter?". He barely had time to answer that she was doing just fine. Great! I sped away, and never looked back. You're never getting that book back, pal...

St Patrick's Day

2006-03-17T20:48:00.000+09:00

Well, today is March 17th, St Patrick's Day. I am being a good Irishman by wearing green clothes and ridiculous novelty accessories. And now I'm going to the pub.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

The Big Three O

2006-03-17T20:35:00.000+09:00

Yesterday, I turned 30.

I am a 30 year old man.

What are my first impressions, you may ask. Well, all I can tell you is that I hope this morning's incontinence isn't a sign of things to come...

Breaking the Jinx

2006-03-13T18:33:00.000+09:00

Almost exactly 1 year ago, in a feat of spectacular sports ineptitude, I managed to break my foot whilst playing badminton in London. Baffling and amusing as that may have been to others, I have avoided the courts like the plague ever since, those ruinous memories still hovering in the forefront of my mind. However, I recently decided to bury the hatchet, or should I say the racquet, and I scheduled my comeback match. On the morning of said match, I realised the omens were extremely bad. Certain circumstances were identical to my luckless London misadventure, namely:

I had a bad hangover.
It was a Sunday.
It was exactly 1 year to the day.
It was a singles match.
My sports shoes were of shoddy quality.

Upon noticing these remarkable similarities, I panicked and immediately cancelled the match. Whether it was cowardice or the common sense of an aging souse, I still don't know.

Nevertheless, I am pleased to report that I rescheduled the match under more favourable conditions, and I have indeed completed my comeback. My foot is intact. My muscles are sore. But we won the game (it was doubles).

So there you go, perhaps not the most enlightening of blog posts, granted, but I did promise at least entry per week. And it's snowing again, so I have nothing else to do right now...

Kiss the Cook ( please! )

2006-03-06T17:01:00.000+09:00

Thus far in Himi, my endeavours to teach have been limited to the English language and the occasional spate of guitar tuition. Recently, however, I was asked by none other than City Hall to muster together a recipe for some Irish cuisine and then teach it to the locals. I agreed. Having rejected the Mushy-Pea Pie idea, I settled on Irish Stew. And so, last weekend, I taught some 30 of Himi's elderly how to produce a genuine Irish Stew. Perhaps the recipe lost something in translation; for example the difference between "simmer on a low heat" and "boil ferociously until the food becomes radioactive". That said, the results were promising, and at least some of the stews turned out ok. And best of all, I got to keep the chef's hat...

Cheese and Wine Party

2006-03-05T19:56:00.000+09:00

This idea was born from the hazy memories of cheese and wine parties in my university days (all those years ago). I'm not entirely certain why these parties are so successful, but they ALWAYS work. I think perhaps the following factors are mainly to blame.

1. Wine is strong.

2. Wine is easy to drink.

3. Cheese (and crackers) are salty, so you drink more wine.

There you go, that's my theory. Not exactly deep, but there's something to it. Anyway, here are some pictures.

What's another year...

2006-02-28T22:20:00.000+09:00

In the infamous words of Ireland's finest bluffer, Johnny Logan, I say, "What's another year?"

Yes, I have officially signed a contract for another year in Japan. I guess there's still a lot of things I haven't got round to doing here yet.

A Plush Hotel

2006-02-26T15:27:00.000+09:00

Last Friday was one of our office's big Enkai evenings (a dinner/drinking party). This time, they decided to hold it in a very famous traditional Japanese style hotel. We drove there and stayed 1 night. It was without a doubt the finest hotel I've ever stayed in, and I have stayed in some very good ones before. You walk around the whole hotel in your yukata (kind of a dressing gown) and the onsen (hot spring) is open all night. The decor was minimal but breathtaking. Everything about this place was designed to make you feel completely at ease. The food was also top class and together with the onsen , I came away feeling totally relaxed. Very very pleasant.

JetFest

2006-02-19T20:49:00.000+09:00

This was my first experience of what is an apparently perennial gathering together of Toyama's assorted JET teachers. The idea is that you represent your own motherland by standing at a stall all day explaining your country's cultural fine points to any interested (Japanese) people. I had initially declined to take part, preferring the role of spectator. However, once I arrived and spotted an oversized Leprechaun hat, I had a sudden change of heart.

The day progressed fairly slowly. The photo contest was probably the most interesting feature, with some excellent entries. For my part, I found it rather difficult to explain in Japanese what a leprechaun was. No doubt many people wondered why I was wearing such a ludicrous hat. Still, I met several Japanese people who had actually been to Ireland and had great things to say about it. Anyway, here are some photos of the day's activities.

Barbershop 2 - "This time it's personal"

2006-02-16T17:22:00.000+09:00

Not long ago, I reported a tale of barber-based lollipoppery, the upshot of which was that I firmly resolved to give my future patronage to the same establishment. Today, at work, I looked in a mirror and I was none too happy. The dishevelled scruff looking back at me somewhat resembled a hobo, with matted hair and red eyes. I wanted another haircut. As luck would have it, I was released early and went directly to my favourite barber. Only to find...

My main man wasn't there. No head-barber in sight, only a skeleton crew of young trainees, twirling their scissors like six-shooters. I didn't like the look of it. They sat me down and delivered a speedy service. It lacked the personal touch of my previous encounter, but it was certainly efficient. I was keeping an eye on the till, but no lollipops were being handed out to the paying customers. I approached the till, and suddenly, from the unknown recesses of the barbershop's bowels, Mr Head-Barber emerged, clearly glad to see me. He quizzed me briefly and accepted my money. And then, in a seamless and graceful motion, he dipped his hand into the cupboard, grasped my bag and dumped 16 Lollipops into it...I burst into laughter, much to the surprise of the staff. I couldn't hold it in. Nobody else got lollipops. Do I look like a guy who needs a ton of lollipops? Maybe I do.

Here's a picture of the actual lollies he gave me. Notice the barbershop motif on the wrappers. Cute, eh? What more can I say, except I hope my hair grows fast...

Japanese Food

2006-02-12T14:54:00.000+09:00

On Friday evening, I made some Japanese food for a few friends. It turned out better than I expected, but it still lacked that quintessential Japanese taste. Anyway, it got me thinking about Japanese food, so I decided to write a short(ish) post about my favourite foods here. Here's my current top ten:

10. Tsukimi Udon - tasty and thick, udon noodles are great at soaking up sauce. The noodles are immersed in a savory soup. This dish has a raw egg on top, but you can mix it in and the egg cooks in the soup.

9. Takoyaki - a favourite at outdoor festival stalls, these are small balls of octopus in a kind of soft batter. They are served with a sweet brown sauce. Good snack food.

8. Soba (warm) - I've only had Soba a few times, so I don't know that much about it, other than the fact that is a noodle made from buckwheat, although there are many varieties. It is eaten cold when the weather is hot, and vice versa. I prefer warm soba, it's a very wholesome taste. The noodles have a nice texture, not too soft, not too chewy. This is good healthy food.

7. Sashimi - Raw fish. Famous. This is one of those "I can't believe people eat that" foods that I assumed I would despise when I got here. But what can I say, the fish is so fresh that I couldn't help myself. Served with soy sauce (with some wasabi mixed in), this is a classic Japanese food. And it's excellent.

6. Katsu-don - deep fried breadcrumbed pork cutlet, nestling on top of rice. This has plenty of grease to help it along, and if you ask me, grease tastes good. This is good with beer, I think.

5. Sushi - probably the most famous of all Japanese foods. Sushi is satisfying on many levels. It looks great, it is filling and it tastes very fresh. Obviously there are many varieties, not all to my taste, but in general, it hits the spot. The only downside is that it can be quite expensive.

4. Nabe - a large pot (from which the dish gets its name) is filled with a huge array of vegetables. Fish and/or meat are sometimes included. The vegetables are often cooked in a miso-based soup. This is such a fresh tasting, hearty dish. It's like a big vegetable stew.

3. Yakitori - grilled and skewered meats, mostly chicken. Strictly not for vegetarians, this stuff is bursting with meaty flavour. The smell of it as it sizzles on the grill will have you drooling like a hound in seconds. This is extremely popular and really delicious. Beer + Yakitori = Perfection

2. Ika - This is the Japanese word for squid. I have really developed a taste for this, or maybe it is an addiction. I think I eat it every week, and if I don't, I start to think about it. That's a bit weird, I suppose. I shouldn't really be thinking about squid that often. You'd imagine I'd have more pressing matters to be pondering. Apparently not. Anyway, squid in its many guises is a succulent and wonderful food.

1. Yakiniku - ahhh, this is it, the most delicious of foods I've had here to date! This is basically barbecued meat. In a yakiniku restaurant, there is an individual grill in the middle of each table. You are given the raw meat and you cook it yourself. It is so unbelievably tasty. The meat is soft and succulent and juicy. The sauces are sweet and dark. Cooking it is fun. This style of cooking, I am told, is actually Korean in origin. That sounds correct, I've heard of the Korean barbecue style many times. But to be honest, I don't give a shit who invented it because they do it so well here and I can't get enough if it. I am almost ashamed to admit that I've been dreaming about this food lately. Enough said, I think.

All this talk of food has made me hungry. Maybe some beans-on-toast will fill the gap...

"Heart of Irish"

2006-02-05T16:59:00.000+09:00

As an aside to the post below, the above phrase has become my own personal motto for living in Japan. The literal translation is "here is my wallet", and I first used it in Wyatt . The meaning I was trying to convey was something like this: "I've had so much to drink that I can't see how many bills are in my wallet, so I would really appreciate it if you could look after it for the remainder of the evening, and take the cash out whenever I buy another drink. When the wallet is empty, please tell me to go home." This, I explained in Japanese to those around me, was the "Heart of Irish". I don't really know what I was talking about, to tell you the truth.

However, I have found that the spirit of that phrase can be used in many situations. As a foreigner, I am pretty much reliant on the Japanese for assistance in day to day life, from buying groceries to paying rent. So, in a sense, "Osaifu Douzou" just means "I'd be grateful for your help". There you go, I'm a polite sort when it comes down to it.

P.S. Amazingly, I received a few complaints that I hadn't updated the blog in over a week. Apologies indeed. I didn't realize people were reading it with any regularity. I pledge to make 1 post per week, minimum.

Wyatt !

2006-02-05T14:08:00.000+09:00

( a sleazy oasis )

Wyatt, Himi's premiere bar. Where do I begin? How could I possibly articulate the deep feelings I have for this bar called Wyatt? Well, I'm not sure, but I'll do my best.

This place has been somewhat of a savior for me. Yes, that sounds worryingly like something an alcoholic might wistfully say, but I can assure you that I am not (yet) addicted to booze. The thing is, living in Japan isn't always easy. If you've never been here, a quick skim over this blog might leave you with the impression that Japan is little more that a land of the zany , where every day brings a new tale of wacky entertainment from those crazy Japanese. Well, it's not all laughs and lollipops over here. Because some days are just tough and tiring, there's no other way to put it. Imagine living in a place where you can't read train or bus timetables, or restaurant menus. Maybe you didn't even make it inside the restaurant because you couldn't read the sign outside. For all you know, it could have been a Japanese lingerie shop. Imagine not being able to read newspapers or watch TV or operate bank machines. The list goes on. My point is that sometimes, I just need to blow off some steam. I like Japan a lot, but now and then I need a solid dose of hard liquor to counteract the culture shock. And that's where Wyatt comes in.

There's something so welcoming about the place. Maybe it's the seedy charm of the guy who runs Wyatt. Maybe it's the dark and dingy ambiance. Maybe it's the pretty girls behind the bar. Or maybe it's just that it's like a little bubble where you can come and forget the particular troubles of that day. Chatting to the staff is always fun, and on more that occasion I've thought to myself that there's something a bit "Charlie's Angels" about Wyatt. Except in Himi, Charlie runs a sleazy bar and the three Angels work there. In fact, I was there last night until 5 am, so I'm not exactly in tip-top condition as I write today, but that's ok, it's Sunday. Now that I think about it, 5 am does seem a bit late to be drinking, but as soon I get in that Wyatt door, I never really want to leave. I've also learned some really obscene Japanese phrases while soused at Wyatt, always an important part of integrating yourself into a new culture, I think. Besides, when the Japanese are a bit liquored up, they lose their fear of talking to foreigners. So I've met some, let's say interesting, characters during my visits to Wyatt.

Well, I'm not one for excessively long blog posts, so I'll leave it at that. If you're a teacher in Toyama, get your hide to Wyatt. Everyone else, you're missing out...

Sick !

2006-01-28T18:48:00.000+09:00

I may have feigned illness in the past, but this time it's for real. I woke up this morning with classic symptoms; headache, sore throat, cough etc. So it looks like a quiet weekend indoors for me, alas. I had planned a date with a bottle of beer tonight, but she'll just have to keep. Instead I can look forward to drinking some foul Japanese medicine. All the doctors here distribute this blue powder that you mix with water and drink. But it tastes like something that might come out of a rat-infested sewer. Kanpai to that...

First Hangover of 2006

2006-01-22T16:58:00.000+09:00

Before I mention the hairstyle pictured to the left:

It's official, my head is pounding, my throat is barren and I can't communicate verbally - this can only mean I've once again stumbled into realms of the merciless hangover. It's the first time this new year. But it was worth it.

Yesterday evening began with a most satisfying trip to a delicious Indian restaurant. Having polished off the Chef's Recommendation, a succulent mix of fish and meat curries, I and some other teachers headed to "Bar 68", in Takaoka. The drinks menu was interesting; of note was the Strawberry and Orange cocktail (very tasty) and the Green Banana liqueur with mango juice (a bit too sweet). I'm not sure how the topic was broached, but at some point the barman informed us that his dreadlocks were, in fact, not real. This was perhaps a mistake on his part, for he now had to humour a troop of foreign drunkards (me included) who insisted upon trying on this unusual toupee. Hence my new style. Maybe I should listen to some Bob Marley and let the hangover melt away.

In other news, the snow has returned to Himi, after an all-too-brief let-up last week. And I've agreed to cook "Irish Food" for some 20-30 people in a few weeks time, as part of some international awareness event. So, I think chips and a mushy-pea pie should be the main dish. I'd better get working on the recipe. Peace out....

Kyudo - Japanese Archery

2006-01-15T18:28:00.000+09:00

After a 2 month absence from Kyudo, due to the severe weather conditions here, today I resumed my efforts to pierce the elusive target. After such a lengthy hiatus, I genuinely feared that my aim would be atrocious and that I might skewer my Sensei from navel to chops, as they say. I picked up the bow and took hold of 2 arrows. With visions of being deported for impaling an unsuspecting Japanese, I positioned myself before the target. Trying to remember my training, I nervously released my first arrow. And ...........

Well, as it turns out, I was worrying too much. The arrow went vaguely in the direction I had aimed! Flushed with confidence that I had not maimed anyone, I settled into a pleasant afternoon of archery. The photos above are of me (top), the target surrounded by snow, a fellow Kyudo practitioner in full apparel, and my teacher (pictured bottom right), who happens to be a phenomenal marksman.

I had almost forgotten the simple enjoyment of Kyudo. During the breaks, people sat around the heater and they toasted mochi (rice cakes). Hot tea followed, and general banter ensued. A charming way to spend a Sunday, I thought. And I did manage to hit the target today, but only twice. Still, it's a nice feeling.

more about Kyudo - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyudo

The Blizzard Continues

2006-01-11T22:05:00.000+09:00

The amount of snow that fell on Japan in December was prodigious. Even the seasoned Japanese were alarmed at this barrage. Let me say it, I've never seen snow like this. It's piled up to the roofs in some places!

Allow me to quote a reputable newspaper: " Meanwhile, Himi in Toyama Prefecture had.... the most snow for the region since observations began more than 100 years ago ".

At this stage, summer's intense heat seems like a distant memory. I do like the snow, but it makes getting to work a bit tricky. Another 2 months to go, apparently, before the big melt begins. Better get settled into my igloo.

A Modest Proposal

2006-01-10T21:17:00.000+09:00

( a tale of kitchen-based effrontery )

In my preparations for coming to Japan, I had oft heard peculiar stories about foreign teachers being lured into Japanese households to drink tea and chat. The rumour mill seemed to think that there was usually an ulterior motive to such advances. Practicing English, for example.

Well, I'd like to add my own singular experience along these lines.

Recently, as I cycled home from school, I saw a solitary figure ahead, standing in the middle of the road. As I approached, the man waved his arms and cried "Stop!" Who was this mysterious highwayman? In a different country, I would perhaps have mown the bastard down, but this is Japan. I decided that it was time to leave behind my increasingly obselete western distrust of those I don't know personally. He looked affable enough and when he said "I think you want to see the inside of a Japanese house", I had to agree that I was curious. So off we went.

After a tour of the garden's various plant-life, and a brief introduction to the house cat, we retired to the kitchen for tea. The man's English was very good. He brewed some green tea and "nonchalantly" began to ask some progressively personal questions. This is verbatim:

Japanese Man: "How old are you?"
Me: "29"
Him: " Are you married?"
Me: "No"
Him: "hmm, that's interesting. Actually...."
Me: "Yes?"
Him: "Actually my daughter is not married either. She's 26. She's a bit fat, but many people say she is still pretty"
Me (horrified): "oh"
Him: "She will be here any moment. Wouldn't you like to be introduced?"

As my chest quietly convulsed, sure enough his daughter arrived. Luckily for me, she sized up the situation quickly. It occurred to me that he may have pulled this stunt before on some other hapless immigrant. So he sat us down at the table. Then he bailed out! For a frantic moment, I thought he had actually gone out, but he did return presently. After a thoroughly bashful conversation with the poor girl (in broken English and Japanese), we both made our excuses and I announced my departure. Out of nowhere, the guy's wife appeared with half a dozen chocolate bars, all for me. The guy then pressed a book into my hand; "Understanding the Japanese Mind". Presumably to gain an insight into his daughter (who wasn't fat at all, by the way)

I keep meaning to return the book....

Let the Year Begin !

2006-01-03T21:54:00.000+09:00

はげまして　おめでとう　！

今年もそのままでお願いします

My New Year's Resolution: to quit smoking and go bald. I think I can manage one or the other.

New Year's Ski Trip

2006-01-03T14:25:00.000+09:00

This New Year I decided to spend some quality time in Japan, instead of swanning off to the scorching shores of some Asian paradise. So, for the first time in my life, I went on a ski trip.

Let me start with the bad news. My body hurts. In fact, I feel like a rugby team beat the shit out of me. And in fact, I ate and drank so much over Christmas, I actually resemble a rugby ball, so I can understand how this mistake could be made. But that's actually for it for the bad news...

Everything else was superb. The ski resort, Hakuba (in Nagano prefecture) was beautiful and the conditions were just perfect. I had some fantastic food, including a sensational nabe and some particularly delicious yakitori. But the real revelation for me was the Onsen (natural hot spring). I simply can't describe how good it feels to soak your deeply aching limbs in hot natural spring water. 15 minutes in that mineral-rich water and I could feel my whole body healing. It seems to me that the Japanese have crafted the ideal setup for ski trip activities:

* You get up early and enjoy skiing for the day on the mountain

* Afterwards you visit the onsen and soak your muscles in hot spring water

* Next you get yourself to a restaurant and fill your belly with mouthwatering food

* Find a suitable spot to relax and drink beer (or whatever) until you're nicely toasted

* Repeat the process the following day

What a supreme system! The mountain's crisp air gives you an almost insatiable appetite and when you tuck into dinner, having just cleansed yourself thoroughly in the spring, you feel absolutely contented! Sated, you can slink into a local bar and chat to your friends for the evening. Need I say more?

A Visit to the Barber (Japanese Style)

2005-12-27T04:04:00.000+09:00

the timescale of this is a bit off, as it happened some weeks ago, but....

I recently decided that my foreign locks badly needed a trim, and that I would explain in modest Japanese how I wanted the job to be done. I packed a dictionary and some money. Here's the sequence of events...

1. I cycled to the barbershop. They saw me roll into the carpark.
2. As I entered, the entire staff were standing in a line and shouted in unison (possibly in harmony) : "irasshaimase!", which means "welcome".
3. The head barber came over and said "Doko desu ka?" ("where is it?"). I was immediately flummoxed. Where is what? I understood the words, but little else. It later appears he was referring to my country of origin.
4. Taking turns for different parts, 5 separate people proceeded to cut, shave, wax, massage, towel etc etc the contours of my head.
5. The final touches of neck-moisturizer were applied, and I was ushered to the till.
6. I paid.
7. The head barber asked me to open my bag. I did so.
8. The head barber poured 25 lollipops into my bag. (yes, 25!)
9. I looked at him.
10. The head barber then poured 11 small packs of tissues into my bag. He said "thank you".
11. I left with a smile on my face.

Christmas Events

2005-12-26T13:27:00.000+09:00

First of all, Merry Christmas!

It's been an unusual one for me. Of the many recent goings on, I came away with good (but skewed) memories of the party in my flat. What can I say - after a semi-lethal dose of whisky, beer and sparkling red wine, Bingo seemed kinda cool.
I particularly enjoyed the recent Himi Christmas Play event (organised for the enjoyment of the local children) in which I donned the familiar red and white of Santa Clause. The kids, however, didn't buy it and appeared extremely suspicious of me. In my defence, I thought I looked quite amiable...

Nonetheless, it was also nice to meet others who didn't quite dig the x-mas thing. In fact, I had to chuckle upon hearing from the lips of a Japanese person, "I don't give a f*ck about Christmas!". This is for you, Mr Sushi...

BANG !

The Rent Fiasco

2005-12-26T13:07:00.000+09:00

Posting this, I'm counting on the fact that my boss's English is nowhere near the level at which he may leisurely read through random blogs and happen upon my own.
Upon arrival in Japan, I was told my rent would be automatically deducted from my bank account each month. "How convenient", I thought. So I never gave it a second thought. But recently, having translated all the entries in my bank book, I found no mention of rent. Suspicious, I brought it to my boss's attention. He remarked somewhat cheerfully that it was a "big mistake" and could I pay it "all" now? I see....

So, I paid 4 months rent (over 220,000 Yen) in one fell swoop. Just imagine the smile on my face. The good news is that my culture shock has abated significantly. So, until the next installment...

Breaking the seal ....

2005-12-12T21:29:00.000+09:00

Greetings to any and all who do me the honour or reading this, the first of my humble ramblings. A word of warning: these pages may be host to a rather lavish sprinkling of cynicism and sarcasm. Lest the reader leave with the impression that I am nothing but a sour old coot, I'd like to offer a brief explanation. I intend to use this blog not only to document myself, but also to purge some excess negativity, should it arise. And now that I mention it, it surely has arisen. For I have recently fallen victim to the nameless dread of CULTURE SHOCK. Yes, I secretly thought I was immune. I smugly congratulated myself for beating the rap; for blending in well; for being a well-adjusted gaijin after 4 months in Japan. How scarcely I know myself. A simpleton indeed. Alas, the dead weight of winter's bitterness has produced within me a lingering alarm.

Result: today was my first "sick" day since getting here.

Just a minute.... ah yes, it's snowing outside. Bring it on, Winter-san.